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“Weren’t you seeing someone recently?” the vampire pressed.
“Didn’t work out.” I hopped up to clear the table. In my haste not to explain my sadly pathetic love life with my friends, I yanked the fork full of pancakes right out of Zorro’s mouth and removed his plate.
Dwayne’s brows shot up and Zorro gave me the look. I hated the look. It meant they were not giving up until satisfied. The last time we had a look-off, Dwayne lost an arm, Zorro ended up bald and I got stuck sporting a face full of warts from a spell that had backfired. Immortals were violent. However, getting it out was healthier than holding it in. Friendly fighting, like farts, were facts of the magical life. The disagreement had been about Lady Gaga’s meat dress. We ended up agreeing to disagree.
Today, of all days, I didn’t want to participate in a smackdown with my besties. I was still flying high off the success of the fashion show.
“Why didn’t it work out?” Zorro inquired.
“Just didn’t,” I said, putting on some rubber gloves and attacking the dirty dishes in the sink like they were going to explode if I didn’t get all the pancake syrup off of them straightaway. I pictured the handsome face of the guy I’d kicked to the curb and wanted to kick my own butt. Kurt, a wizard like me, had been perfect—smart, funny, hot, and he had an ass you could bounce quarters off. Unlike me, he’d been willing to dive into dating head first.
I’d never learn. I was a colossal dummy. Torpedoing my love life had been my MO for too many years to count.
“Why?” Zorro asked again, pulling me away from the sink and sitting me back down at the kitchen table.
“I don’t know,” I lied.
“Why?” Dwayne pushed.
They sounded like broken records. “You two are being very bitchy for this early in the morning.”
“Thank you,” Dwayne said with a wink.
“Wasn’t a compliment,” I replied dryly.
“Guuurlfriend,” Zorro said, putting his hand on the shoulder of my caftan. “We’re pushy bee-otches because we love you.”
I smiled at the two men who always had my back. Their friendship was such a blessing even when they were being a pain in my backside.
“So,” Dwayne said, dishing up another plate of pancakes for Zorro and me. He plopped them down in front of us then crossed his arms over his chest. “I shall ask one more time… and then another if you don’t answer. After that, it has the potential to get ugly. Why didn’t it work out?”
My head dropped to the antique wooden farm table with a thud. “Because I’m an idiot,” I mumbled.
“That’s a given,” Dwayne said with a kind smile. “Tell us about it.”
I groaned. “Nothing to tell. We went on a few incredible dates and I screwed up a good thing before it could really start, as usual. Anyhoo, I don’t need a man.”
“No one needs a man,” Zorro said, digging into his new plate of pancakes. “If you need him to complete yourself then you’re in trouble.”
“Precisely,” I agreed, hoping we could move on.
Apparently, my nearest and dearest didn’t get the memo.
“However,” Dwayne chimed in. “When you find the right man, life is more exciting. I’d be fine on my own without Belphegor, but my life is happier with him in it.”
“You’re a catch, Johnson,” Zorro insisted. “Look at you! You’re a sexy, successful wizard. You own a darling bungalow. You’re a brilliant designer and you’re hilarious—the whole package, my friend.”
God, I loved my friends. Their esteem for me was higher than my own. Maybe talking it out would help. “I ghosted a man who shall forever remain nameless.”
Both men winced. I joined them. Talking was bullshit.
“Was he an ass?” Zorro asked.
“No.”
“Mean?” Dwayne inquired.
“No.”
