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“I would have taken you to Paris.”
“I know. But this is for the best.”
My skin grew hot. “I will see you over the holidays, yes?”
“It’s not a good idea, Nic. We both know this. We’ve had a nice time together, so let’s leave it there.”
Blood rushed in my ears, a wave of panic overtaking me. A nice time? What the fuck?
“Theo.” I had to touch him. I moved in and cupped his face in my palms. “Please, luchik. Let me take you somewhere. A private beach where we can swim and fuck—”
“Are you out? As a gay man, I mean.”
My body froze and I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to answer.
“Nic, I can’t do this.” He stepped back and my arms dropped to my sides. “I refuse to be your secret lover. That’s not who I am.”
“I ask only for one more trip.”
“Which would be a mistake. We should end this now before someone gets hurt.”
Deep down, I understood. But I wasn’t used to the other person ending it first. And in Theo’s case, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him for good. Did he need me to beg? “Theo, please reconsider. It is not possible for me to be openly gay, but—”
“No.” He pressed his lips together tightly and shook his head. “I can’t. But thank you for this. I had fun.”
Fun? Was that all this had been for him? I reached out, desperate to hold onto him a little longer, but he edged toward the door. “I have to go.” He hooked his thumb in the direction of the helicopter.
Then he was walking away from me. I had no choice but to follow, my chest numb. No one was on deck, though Ilya was no doubt somewhere nearby, keeping watch.
Theo’s bags were already on board the helicopter. The two of us stood awkwardly by the giant machine. I had an excuse to be confused. But why was Theo so quiet?
“Goodbye, Nic.” His voice was rushed, like he couldn’t wait to be gone.
I hated this. I reached for him and pulled him to my chest, needing to wrap my arms around him once more. “Be safe, luchik. If you need anything, please call me.” He had the number to one of my many burner phones.
For a brief second, he sagged into me and pressed his face into my throat. And I swore he breathed me in, like he was trying to memorize my scent. Or maybe that was just what I was doing to him.
Without another word, he squeezed my shoulder and pulled away. Panic filled me, my stomach clenching like a fist. But I could do nothing.
He climbed inside. I received only a small, strained smile from him before the door shut. Then the helicopter was in the air, carrying him away from me.
I couldn’t move, my feet rooted to the deck. I stood there watching. Gone. He was gone. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I hadn’t prepared for this.
When I could no longer see the helicopter, I went into the salon and poured a large glass of good Russian vodka. The kind I saved for when I needed to get drunk.
I finished my second glass when Ilya came in with a tablet. “You need to see this,” he said.
“Not now. I want to drink until I pass out.”
“Trust me. You will want to see it.” He lowered himself next to me and unlocked the device. He had the yacht’s security software loaded up. “Watch.”
Video from one of the cameras filled the screen. It was Theo. He was in the corridor outside my office, poised at the door, eavesdropping. I straightened, my body on alert. “When was this?”
“When we were meeting with Ravazzani and Ricci.”
Blyat! Had Theo overheard our discussion? Nothing specific was mentioned, I didn’t think. But my comments would have made it clear I was a criminal.
“Now watch this one,” Ilya said, pushing some buttons.
