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I watched the man I love absorb this news. Theo stared hard at the newspaper, as if waiting for the Cyrillic letters to rearrange themselves into something he could read.
Dressed in a pair of slim jeans, boots, and ripped t-shirt, he looked so fucking good. His hair was longer, slicked back off his forehead, and there were deep circles under his eyes. I wondered if they were because of me.
“Is this a joke?” he asked.
“No joke.” A lot of effort and planning had gone into creating a new identity for me after the bombing. The Bratva had to believe me dead for this to work.
But there was no going back. As I regained consciousness after the blast, something shifted inside me, a realization about my life. I could have died in that instant. Blown to pieces by an enemy, never to see Theo again. Never see his smile or hear his laugh. Never kiss him or lick the sweat from his skin, never watch old movies or see his designs.
Never have the chance to tell him I loved him.
Everything changed in that attack, sprawled on my office floor, with my ears ringing and smoke filling my lungs. And I knew I couldn’t return to my former life. Theo had taken me apart and rearranged me into someone new.
I had all the money a person needed, stashed in places the Bratva couldn’t touch. So why was I resigning myself to a life of misery? Of loneliness? I’d found the man I wanted above all others and experienced a slice of the blissful future we could have together.
What was I waiting for?
Quickly, I put a plan into place, using the bombing as cover for my escape. Now I was a wealthy banker from Munich with a slight Russian accent. For the first time I could see a path forward. A way out.
And I wasn’t giving up until Theo agreed to join me.
His eyebrows shot up in disbelief. “You left the Bratva?”
“In a manner of speaking. I could not quit, so I used this bombing to fake my death.”
“Why?”
“For you. I faked my death for you.”
He flinched. Not a good sign.
Panic rose in my chest and I pressed on. “I miss you. I want to be with you.”
“And you think it’s this easy? You want this, so I will want it, too?”
“No, of course not.”
He bent to pick up the paper, and stared at it. “This is unbelievable. I didn’t ask you to do this for me. I have my own life here. I can’t go on the run with you.”
“No one is going on the run,” I said calmly. “Ilya has taken over as pakhan. Only he knows I am alive. This will stay a secret.”
“I’ve seen the movies. They do not allow people to leave. You need to go into hiding. Someone will eventually see you.”
“I do not need to hide. I kept my identity a closely guarded secret, partly because I was gay, but also because I never wanted someone I cared about to be used as leverage. Not many grow old in the Bratva, and enemies are everywhere. So I remained a mystery, a figurehead.”
“Except Giulio and Alessio knew you. So not a complete mystery.”
“Ricci was trailing an associate in Minsk. I made the mistake of taking a rare face-to-face meeting with this associate and the assassin saw me. But there are not many like Alessandro Ricci. He is the best, which is why he charges millions for a hit.”
“And you think no one will question this?” He held up the paper.
“No.” He didn’t appear to believe me, so I continued. “Everyone will believe this was Nikolai Kuznetsov.”
“What about the men under your command? They knew what you looked like.”
“Ilya is in charge and he will protect me. Men loyal to me will now be loyal to him.” When he continued to stare at me, I placed my hand over my heart. “I would not come here and risk your life if I were not one hundred percent sure it was safe for you.”
“What about the life you’ll be leaving behind?” asked Theo. “How will you give up the power, the money, the—Dio, I can’t believe I’m saying this—the perks of the job?”
