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“He told me in no uncertain terms that he didn’t like men ‘in that way,’ as he put it,” Florin had told him. “He asked me to leave him alone, and so I have. I haven’t seen or spoken to him since, except for your wedding, and I have no plans to. I have nothing more to say to him.”
Mikol shook his head. “Florin, I understand how you feel, but you have to respect his wishes in this. Each of us has our own ideas about sexuality.”
“I know that. Of course, I do. I’m respecting his wishes to leave him alone. But I think he’s only saying these things because he’s frightened of his feelings.”
“And you know this how, exactly?”
“From the way he responded to me every time I touched him. From the long, soulful looks he gives me whenever we’re in the same room together. But you don’t have to worry. I’ll never approach him again. Perhaps he’ll return home to Loros soon. Then I won’t have to see him again either.”
He sounded fierce and angry, but Mikol knew him well, and he knew a lot of this was just bluster and hurt feelings. Kalen confided in Mikol that Dartan was just as miserable as Florin seemed to be. “I tried to talk to him, but he insists this is for the best. I don’t see how it can be, though, when he’s so miserable. I know he’s still in pain from the broken ribs, and he’s been fretting about returning home. I’ll have to let him go soon. I don’t want him to stay here and be so unhappy.”
“No, I don’t either. But would you be happy here with me if he leaves? You wanted him so you wouldn’t be so alone.”
“I’m not alone, though, am I?” Kalen asked, raising his face up to be kissed. Soon one thing led to another, and Mikol locked his door and spent the long afternoon in bed with his spouse. He used to wonder at how often his parents’ door stayed closed in the afternoons, especially on days they weren’t working. His father would say he was “taking his leisure,” and he was not to be disturbed. It all made perfect sense to him now.
And the days passed by in a blur of happiness for Mikol.
He found things to do on Tygeria that wouldn’t take him too far away from his mate. He even considered talking to Haggoz about a redistribution of responsibilities or perhaps even stepping away entirely since the king had returned. He was still thinking about what to do next and filling his days with Kalen.
Sharing a bedroom with him, because not being with him every second he could, just didn’t feel like a good option—sliding past him in the corridors when he was walking with Dartan, and Mikol was surrounded by his counselors and generals, touching his hand as they passed—pressing Kalen against the bedroom door as he came to greet him in the afternoons and taking long, sweet baths together in the evenings. This was the new reality of his life, and he couldn’t wait to wake up each morning with his nobyo in his arms. He would caress him and kiss him awake to go to breakfast with him before he had to start his day and leave him again.
It was far too good to last—and then one day, it didn’t.
It all started when they got the news of a surprise and unprovoked attack on Loros by what officials there said were Pton forces.
It seemed impossible at first. All their intelligence pointed to the main force of the Pton still being lightyears away. Even if they’d managed to find passage through some previously unknown and massive black hole, it would take years for them to amass enough troops to pose a real threat in this galaxy.
Yet Lord Nerol had sent an urgent plea for help. “Lorian cities are being attacked,” he said in his dispatch. “We are reporting massive casualties. We beg you to send immediate assistance.”
Kalen was unbelievably distraught over the alarming message and wanted to go immediately to help his people.
“I need to go with you, Mikol,” he pleaded, his eyes filled with tears. “Surely you can see that. My army needs to know I haven’t abandoned them. I’m still able to fight, damn it, and youpromisedI could!”
“That’s simply not true, Kalen,” he had replied, as gently as he could. “I promised we would go to Loros to oversee the building of new barracks for my troops. I never agreed to allow my consort to go to war! I’m sorry, but it’s out of the question.”
Kalen had—predictably—exploded with rage. He argued with him every moment he wasn’t pleading for him to reconsider or threatening him with anything he could think of. He vowed to divorce him and leave on his own. He told Mikol he hated him.
Mikol tried to be patient with him. He really did.
Yes, he understood how he would feel if he were being prevented from going to Tygeria’s aid, if the situation had been reversed. No, he didn’t think Kalen was weak or womanly, and he knew he was still capable and intelligent. He knew it. He understood all of it. But he hadn’t yet seen his skills on the field. Until he did, he couldn’t risk him. There was still no way in four hells he was allowing his nobyo to travel to a dangerous battle zone.
The fight was epic, rivaling even those that Blake and Davos used to get into when he’d been a child. It was probably his use of the word “allow” because that was screamed at in Mikol’s face most often. Their last argument on the morning he left for Loros got so loud and so bad that Prince Mikos himself intervened, pulling Mikol out of the room and not allowing him to go back inside. He must have recognized how close Mikol was getting to losing control and laying down the law in the harshest way possible, which would have just been disastrous.
Mikol knew that too, but it was still what he wanted to do. What the beast inside him wanted him to do. Kalen’s wild temper had awakened it deep inside him, and it was all he could do to force it down and control it.
Then Kalen did the unthinkable. He had turned to Mikol’s father and begged Prince Mikos to help him. He actually asked him to go behind Mikol’s back and send him and his captain on a separate ship since Mikol wouldn’t allow him to come. When Mikos incredulously turned him down, he stormed out of the room and down the hall to go overboththeir heads. He had taken up his cause with King Davos directly, bursting into his office and interrupting a meeting he was in.
The king had been confused at first, not understanding why he was being consulted when both Prince Mikos and Kalen’s husband Mikol had already explained to Kalen why it would be impossible for him to go along. To say Kalen’s attitude didn’t help would be to seriously understate the matter.
In the end, physicians were called to give Kalen some kind of mild sedative, and when they arrived to do that, there was yet another fight, and this one was physical, though short-lived. After the physicians had him sedated, they reported back to the king. Who then contacted Mikol, already on his ship.
Mikol was mortified by his behavior, not to mention half out of his mind with worry, but there was simply no time for him to stay and try to deal with Kalen and make him understand. Tygeria’s aid had been requested urgently, so time was obviously of the essence. He had to go. And he resented Kalen strongly for making this so difficult. For the first time since the betrothal ceremony, he was wondering if he should have agreed to this marriage, and it was breaking his heart.
He wasn’t able to speak to Kalen again, as protocol demanded silence on all channels once they’d left Tygerian air space. Kalen was “unavailable,” according to his aides. Mikol knew that meant he was refusing to talk to him.
Mikol was in his warship, captained by Florin, along with a fleet of ships following, all carrying soldiers. It was not the full might of the Tygerian forces, but it was an impressive one, nonetheless. He’d left his heart behind, though, and he told himself that as long as that was safe, nothing else mattered.
The crazy situation he’d left had been nothing he’d been prepared for, and nothing he wanted. The treacherous feelings began to creep back as the distance between him and his nobyo grew wider. It wasn’t that he didn’t love him—he didn’t know how to stop doing that. But being in control was in his nature, and the questions he’d had the night before their betrothal came flooding back. The truth was, he would have liked nothing better than to be able to take Kalen with him—if Kalen had been a different kind of person.
