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Instead, I have nothing. Just numbness.
Which is arguably worse.
Now here I am, down in HR, sitting outside of Harry Frith’s office waiting to get my head chopped off.
I don’t know how I ended up in this place. My money stolen, my apartment cleaned out, my boyfriend gone. It’s like the world’s out to get me, and it’s not holding back.
“Ms. Connell? Come on in.” Harry Frith is a middle-aged man, soft and round, bald on top with wisps of brown on the temples. His glasses make his eyes look like saucers.
Johnnie’s already there, sitting in a chair, not looking at me. I hesitate as Harry settles himself behind the desk, looking up at me with that owlish stare, blinking slightly. “Go ahead and take a seat, Ms. Connell,” he says.
But suddenly, I feel a spark of something. Not exactly anger, but indignation. An annoyance that I’ve been dragged into this mess when I’m the victim in this situation.
It’s seeing Johnnie sitting there, not looking at me like a fucking coward, after what he did the night before. That stupid, selfish asshole, that little piece of trash. If Finn hadn’t intervened, I don’t know what he would’ve done.
And I’m the one about to get in trouble.
“I don’t know what this man told you, Mr. Frith, but Johnnie assaulted me last night.” I slam the words like a sledgehammer, doing my best to keep my pulse under control.
I can do this. Kathryn’s right. Maybe I’m numb, but I can pretend to be her for a little while.
I can let her anger guide me.
Harry’s mouth drops open in shock. Johnnie turns, staring at me, hands waving in the air like he’s trying to stop what I’m about to say.
But fuck him. There’s no stopping this. Fuck all the guys like him that think they can get away with hurting women. He wants to screw me over? He wants to spin the story so it sounds like I’m the real problem?
Well, to hell with that.
I spew it all out. The whole story. Starting with Johnnie approaching me, and ending with Finn stepping in to help. “If that nice man hadn’t stopped by, I don’t know what Johnnie would’ve done. I’m not sure what he told you, Mr. Frith, but Johnnie’s a liar. He sexually assaulted me, made lewd comments about my workplace clothing, and I’m afraid he would’ve done worse if given the chance. If he tried to make me look like I’m at fault, he’s only doing it to save his own cowardly skin.”
Silence falls over the room. Johnnie’s bright red with rage and shame, his jaw tight and working. Harry’s completely pale, glancing from me to Johnnie and back again, looking like he’s at a total loss.
“Ah, Ms. Connell?” Harry’s voice is a squeak. “This was supposed to be a performance review. He didn’t mention any, uh, allegations.”
My body goes still. My heart nearly stops. My hands and feet feel like ice. All that anger? Yeah, that’s gone. Back to being numb. “He… didn’t?”
“No,” Johnnie says through his teeth. “And my review was very positive.” He stands suddenly. “Sorry, Harry, but can I talk to Dara in the hall for a second?”
“Uh, I don’t think, ah, it’s probably—”
But Jonnie’s already steering me out the door. I let him do it. I’m too mortified, too frozen to fight back.
“You weren’t trying to get me fired,” I whisper once we’re alone, the door slammed shut, Johnnie facing me with a vicious, hateful stare. “I thought—”
“No, you psycho,” he snaps quietly, leaning closer. “I know I fucked up last night. I was going to apologize to you by giving you a glowing performance review. Instead, you came in there guns blazing, and because of your big mouth, we’re both screwed. I swear to fucking god, now you reallyaredone working here. You hear me? I’m going straight to my uncle. You’re fucking done.”
I take one step away, ears ringing. “But I thought—I figured you were—” Shit, shit, shit. What the hell did I just do?
But no, fuck no, I did the right thing in there.
Even if Johnnie wanted to apologize, that doesn’t change anything. He really did assault me. He really did all those things.
The only problem is now he’s actually going to get me fired, whereas if I had kept my mouth shut, I might be getting a raise and a promotion right now.
God, this is disgusting. I feel absolutely filthy. This whole situation makes me absolutely sick. What a horrendous moral situation. Let my abuser get away with abuse, get money thrown in my face for my silence.
Absolutely horrifying.
