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“The baby’s the priority,” I say as we come down the escalator toward the bottom level. “I guess it doesn’t matter what we decide on, so long as the baby’s taken care of.”
“You have to think about yourself, at least a little bit.” Kathryn steers me over to an open bench and we sit together as people stream past. “At some point, the baby won’t be a baby anymore, and then what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” I say, starting from shift side to side, feeling defensive and frustrated. “What does the wife of a criminal do? Go shopping? Try not to get killed or arrested?” I feel spinny and dumb for not at least thinking about this at some point.
“Dara,” she says softly, putting her hand on my knee to steady me, staring into my face. “I’m being serious. What do you want with your life?”
I take a deep breath, tilting my chin up, staring toward the ceiling. I’ve been so busy trying to survive that I haven’t considered there might be more than worrying about where my next meal’s coming from and how I’m going to provide basic necessities.
Now that I’m Finn’s wife, I can start breathing again. The only problem is, I feel directionless.
“What if I don’t figure it out right now?” I ask, glancing at her. “What if I just… live in the moment? For a while, anyway.”
“You could do that.” Her lips press together. “I just worry he’s going to steamroll you and it’ll become more about what he wants and less about what you need.”
“That might happen, but I’m not sure.”
“Do you trust him?”
I let out an undignified snort-laugh. “God, no.” But then I consider for a moment. “Well, a little bit. At least, not completely.”
“That’s good then. You have a base to build on. Do you… like him?”
“There’s some… there-there.” I try not to smile.
She grins. “Lots of there-there, I bet.”
“We have a spark. I can’t pretend like we don’t. Only he seems hell-bent on keeping feelings out of this.”
Except is he? Last night he dragged me into his bed with him and got me off while I stared up at the stars. That didn’t seem very business-like.
“If you feel the spark, he feels it too.” She leans closer. “Could be it that you have a crush on your husband?”
I glare at her. “How dare you make such an accusation.”
“Ooooh, you totally do.”
“Disgusting. I’d never.”
“You want to kiss your husband. Sleep in the same bed as him. Let him do some extremely nasty and potentially illegal acts—”
“You have an immoral mind and I will not deign to acknowledge it.” I tilt my chin up. “What we do in private iscompletelylegal. In most states anyway.”
She laughs and leans her head on my shoulder. “I’m just worried about you, is all. I want you to make sureyou’retaken care of, not taken advantage of. I don’t want you to end up as this guy’s glorified live-in nanny taking care of the babies while he’s out, like, running clubs with his hot lesbian best friend and cheating on you all over town.”
“He doesn’t seem like the cheating type,” I say quietly, thinking about how he called his fiancée before proposing to me. He didn’t need to do that—their relationship was never real—but he did it anyway because he’s a decent person.
Decent enough, anyway, for a mobster.
She waves that off. “Either way. You like him, I’m sure he likes you. I think that if you really want to see where this can go, then you let it happen. You know what I mean? Be up front about what you need, don’t let him push you around, but don’t fight it, either.”
“I’ll try to be more demanding, it’s just hard.”
“I know, but try anyway. You’re not used to big, strong, bossy gangsters, but it’s time to push back.”
“Fine, I’m spineless, okay? I’ll do better. How did this conversation turn into you calling me a coward again?”
She laughs. “All right, enough of this.” Kathryn pats my knee again and stands. “You have the rich guy’s credit card right? Let’s go use it.”
