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He’s quiet for a few seconds before answering. “All my life, I never took a risk. You know me, Mr. Dependable, right?” He smiles at the old nickname. I don’t share his fond feelings. If anything, I’m resisting the very powerful urge to toss him off this porch into the sticker bushes growing in the flowerbeds. I guess my dad’s hatred of gardening is good for something. Lucas continues: “That’s me in a nutshell. Nothing exciting, nothing flashy, but I was always there when people needed me. Then Christine came on to me one night when we were drunk and you were passed out—”
I hold up a hand, trying not to puke. “Spare me the fucking details,” I say, rubbing my temple. “Also, you’re gross.”
“I know,” he says. “But she was exciting. She made me feel like aman, you know what I mean?”
“I know you were never a man and you still aren’t.” I glare at him. “Get to the point.”
“Christine made me feel like I could be more than Mr. Dependable. We kept sleeping together, and I knew it was so fucked up, but the thrill—”
“Seriously, Lucas, I don’t want to hear how cheating on me was thrilling, you asshole.”
“Right. Right. Okay.” He takes a deep breath. “Anyway, she came up with this plan, and I thought, yeah, let’s do it, let’s live a little bit. Maybe you’d get hurt, but you always land on your feet. You’re amazing. I guess I didn’t think about how badly we’d be hurting you.”
“You didn’t think that dumping me for my roommate and draining my bank account wouldn’t hurt me… because I land on my feet.” I stare at him for an agonizingly long moment. “You must be the stupidest man alive, Lucas.”
He winces but doesn’t disagree. “As it turns out, Christine’s plan is also Christine’s move. I drained our joint account, and the moment I gave her access to mine, she drained my accounts and disappeared.”
I whistle, actually kind of impressed. Christine was always quiet, kept to herself, cleaned up her dishes. She was a good roommate. I didn’t know her that well—I found her through Craigslist, of all places—but things were fine between us. I guess she ended up being crazy after all. Serves Lucas right, the dick.
“That’s a long con to make a few thousand dollars,” I muse.
“I know, right? It’s not like you were rich.”
“I was doing pretty good though.” I glare at him hard. “And anyway, I’m rich now.” I hold up my hand with the engagement ring. “I guess you’re right about landing on my feet.”
He curses, staring. “Is that thing real?”
“Don’t be a dick.”
“I just mean, that’s worth more money than I’ve ever seen in my entire life, I bet.”
“Double that.”
“Good for you,” he says, smiling a little. He seems to relax. “You always were a survivor, right?”
“Don’t youdaresay that shit to me,” I say, taking a step forward. “You ruined my life, Lucas. Because of you, I got into an altercation with Johnnie from work and ended up fired. My entire world crumbled, and oh, yeah, I got pregnant by a stranger, who is now my husband—”
“You’re pregnant?” He leans back, looking shocked.
“Yes,” I say softer. “Things are hard for me, okay? Kathryn shouldn’t have sent you here.”
He stews in that for a moment before straightening. He reaches into his pocket and takes out a thick, white envelope, thrusting it at me. “Here. Take this.”
I hesitate, but accept it. Inside, it’s stuffed with cash. “What the hell?”
“That’s everything I had left of the money I stole from you. I’m going to make payments until we’re equal, starting tonight. I’m going back to being Mr. Dependable. It’s a little less than five hundred, but I’m going to get a job, and I’ll make it right.”
I stare at the money. Some other time and some other world, this cash might’ve meant something to me, but right now I have an Amex with unlimited spending and a rich husband.
But the gesture’s actually kind of nice. Lucas is clearly at rock bottom himself right now, and I bet this money means a lot to him. I shake my head and hand it back. “I don’t want it.”
“Dar—”
“Take the fucking cash, okay, Lucas? Before I grind it in the garbage disposal instead.” I don’t know why I’m taking pity on him. It’s not like he deserves it.
He takes the envelope, looking sheepish. “I’m still going to pay you back, I swear.”
“Don’t bother. I don’t want you to ever think you can make up for what you did to me.” I turn my back on him. “We’re not even. We never will be. But I don’t hate you. I just pity you now. If you really want to do the right thing, get up, walk away, and never look back. Just think the next time you’re going to steal from someone, okay?”
