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Tesa and Tori freeze, glancing at each other. “Mama!” Tesa calls over her shoulder. “Can you watch the kids for a little while?”
“Si! No se vayan lejos,”her mom calls back.
“I’ll just be upstairs,” Tesa yells, turning me towards the stairs. “Our rooms are sound proof, no one will hear us. Quick, before one of the little people sees us.”
I walk quickly up the stairs, wiping my eyes. Fuck, my hands are shaking right now and I’m so damn scared.
Tori opens the door to a room, and I duck into it. Closing the door and locking it, she glances at me. “So I’m going to grab you two pregnancy tests, okay?”
Nodding, I take a shaky breath. “I just need to know,” I whisper.
The girls don’t ask any questions, which I appreciate. Tesa simply presses tissues into my hand and Tori hands me two pregnancy tests. I’m not sure why I need so many, and I look at her hesitantly.
“I always want the confirmation that I didn’t fuck it up the first time,” Tori tells me and I nod like that’s totally normal.
Walking into the bathroom, I close the door behind me and lean against it. I’ve never taken a test before, and I’ve missed a period here and there, but I trusted my birth control.
I guess I was putting too much trust in an implant. Drying my eyes, I open the tests, read the instructions, and sit on the toilet to pee on them. This is the world’s most uncomfortable experience.
Sighing, I clean up, flush and wash my hands. Glancing down at the tests, I leave them on the counter opening the door. Leaning on the door jamb, I shrug at the girls who are sitting on the bed, waiting.
“Is this the hard part?” I ask with a watery smile.
“Come sit with us, and I’ll set an alarm. I swear, staring at it makes it worse,” Tori says waving me over.
Walking over, I climb onto the bed with them. Tesa and Tori hold out their hands and I grab on like the lifeline that they’re offering. I appreciate that they don’t offer platitudes or chatter. Closing my eyes, I swallow hard as I wait for the timer to go off.
As soon as it does, I fly over to the bathroom counter. “Fuck,” I whisper, holding onto the edge when my knees give out. The test shows two lines, and I grab the box to double check what it means.
The lines are solid, bold, and I swear these tests are taunting me. I’m definitely pregnant.
“I guess Orion is killing a lot of people,” I mutter, a hysterical giggle bubbling up as I think about how romantic it is when he offers to burn the world down for me.
Mommy is really fucked up, little one.
Turning to look at Tori and Tesa, I shrug, tears flowing again. “They’re both positive,” I croak out.
They walk over, and Tesa glances at the tests. “Did you not ever want kids?” she asks, trying to figure out why I’m so upset. “Can you explain why you’re so upset? Roark and the guys would be great parents.”
Crossing my arms under my chest, I wait for judgment or pity. “What if it’s not theirs?” I ask hoarsely. “Something happened while I was at Hidden Hills, and I think my birth control failed.”
Tesa’s eyes go dark as she thinks about that. “Something happened that was non consensual?” she asks carefully.
“Very much not consensual,” I confirm.
Tori’s nails bite into her hands and she blinks furiously. “Have you told the guys? I don’t know what they’d say but—”
“You’re wondering why I came here instead of asking the guys to pick me up a test?” I ask. Sighing at her nod, I think. “I needed time to process seeing a positive test, I think. I told Roark, Turner, Derek, and Orion that I thought I was pregnant. I realized that I haven’t had a period since I got out of the mental hospital, and that it may not have anything to do with stress or starvation.”
Tesa barely flinches, but I still see it. They’re both trying to be so brave for me, but the truth is that the last few months have been really fucked up.
“Roark and Turner and I would fuck like bunnies, but I could swear that I had a period before I was taken,” I muse. “Roark can’t remember and neither can I, and my therapist thought I would feel better if I knew… I think instead I just feel numb. I don’t know how I should feel right now.”
Tori sighs, nodding. “I spent the first five months or so of my pregnancy with Melly in a deep depression. There was a lot going on, and the guys really fucked up, but my point is that not every pregnancy is rainbows and sunshine,” she explains. “Sometimes it really sucks, and it’s hard. That’s why you need people, so let us be part of your support system, okay?”
“Thank you,” I whisper. “I came over and just dropped this shit storm on you… I just want to get through tomorrow, and then I’ll tell them. I’d like to have Christmas, and then figure things out.”
Tesa shakes her head. “You take all the time you need. I don’t think they’d begrudge you that,” she reassures me.
