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I appreciate that she’s making sure to establish consent early on and nod. “That’s all fine,” I murmur.
The nurse moves efficiently through her tasks, and then tells us that the doctor will be in shortly.
Feet swinging on the table, I slowly open and close my hands. I spiraled earlier, and my blood pressure was a little high. The nurse said that the doctor was going to take it again a little later because of it.
I don’t want anything to affect my pregnancy, even the past trauma that I’m working through.
Sorry Mommy is such a shitshow, baby.I’m staring at a spot on the floor as they all talk amongst themselves.
“Hey,” Layla says, moving next to me. I blink, forcing myself to focus and smile softly at her.
“Hey,” I whisper, my voice breaking.
“What’s going on in that big brain of yours?” she asks and I shake my head.
“I’m a mess,” I confess. “There’s so many things that cause me to lose it, I don’t know if I have any business doing this.”
I vaguely watch every man in the room stiffen, but none of them move. I sincerely appreciate that, because I’m having a moment.
Layla snorts, unamused. “Perspective is a funny thing, Lennon. I’m looking at one of the strongest women I’ve ever met just having a rough day. News flash, you’re allowed to have those,” she tells me.
As she hugs me, I swallow a sob because I need to keep it together. “Thank you. It’s been such a busy few weeks, and everything has been going so smoothly, I wasn’t expecting to be triggered today. I need to get my blood pressure down,” I murmur. “The nurse said it was too high.”
Turner walks around me after Layla releases me and slowly massages my back. Sighing, I drop my head forwards. “Your sister is right. You’re so damn strong, and sometimes it’s okay to just drop the whole damn load. Just say fuck this,” he yells, causing me to giggle. “There’s my girl, laughter is a good stress reducer.”
The doctor knocks on the door, walking in a bit after. I smile, sitting straighter in my seat, and Turner rubs my back before going to his seat.
“How are you feeling today, Lennon? I understand your blood pressure was a little high,” she murmurs, sitting at the rolling chair in front of me.
“I’m okay, I got a little triggered in the waiting room, and I think that caused my high blood pressure,” I explain. “I’ve come a long way, and I’m still seeing my therapist, but hospitals still can be hard for me.”
Dr. Zane nods. “Can you tell me what triggered you, so I can make sure never to do it? I can also make a note in your file. The last thing we ever want is to upset you,” she confirms.
“It feels… silly to say out loud,” I tell her. “The nurse called me ‘Miss Lennon’ and while I was kidnapped, this is what my captors called me before doing awful things to me. It’s such a small thing—”
“Sometimes small things cause the most harm,” Dr. Zane replies. “This polite way of speaking to you was meant to distance your care team emotionally before they tortured you. I’ll make a note in your chart so it doesn’t happen again, okay?”
Nodding, I thank her. She’s right, that not-so-little thing was definitely ramping up my anxiety. I get lightheaded and close my eyes as I hold onto the side of the table.
“Woah,” Dr. Zane says, grabbing me on either side so I don’t fall over. “Tell me what you’re feeling, Lennon?”
“Super lightheaded… room spins,” I respond in short bursts, whimpering at the sensation. “Fuck, I don’t like this.”
“I know. I think it would be better if you lay down while your body regulates some intense emotions,” she says. “Do you feel nauseous at all?”
“No… not right now,” I amend, wanting to knock on wood, but unable to open my eyes.
Helping me lay down, she continues to talk to me. “I’m not going to take your blood pressure until the end of our visit. In the meantime, tell me about the people in the room.”
Knowing she’s trying to distract me, I open my eyes. Laying down was definitely helpful. I introduce everyone, being sure to distinguish the four baby daddies in the room.
“Perfect. It’s good to meet all of you. Lennon, do you want to see your baby today?” Dr. Zane asks.
I’m eager to see my little one and nod in excitement. The rest of the appointment goes well, and I’m no longer dizzy when I sit up to take my blood pressure.
Dr. Zane talks to me the entire time, and this time my readings were much better.
“Beautiful blood pressure,” she praises me and I grin up at her. “Now, I suggest continued light exercise. The baby is starting to grow ahead of what I would usually see, but still within guidelines. We’ll continue to watch and then adjust your guess date from there.”
