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“Yeah,” I nod. “I really like that idea.” I yawn before taking another bite. “I’m losing steam, guys. Orion, is there anything else you want to tell me tonight? Do you still want to leave?”
Orion stares at me, fork suspended. “I hate that I had to hurt you and scare you. I despise being a tool for Xav, even if it was to gather intel on the hospital, and check on your well-being. I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am for making you feel as if the only way out was to kill yourself,” he whispers.
My lips press as tears well up unasked. Carefully putting my fork down, I keep my eyes on him. “Who knows what could have happened if you hadn’t played along, Orion. I was in a bad place because of the video and photos. Xav wanted to break me in that room, and he almost did. I felt abandoned,” I explain, reaching out for Roark’s hand as his fist clenches. “How I was manipulated to feel is not your fault, Ror, okay?”
“You’re just so good,” Roark rasps. “Fuck, I can’t live without you. We tried it, and it sucked. Definitely don’t recommend,” he jokes, swiping under his eye with the back of his hand.
“I love you too, big guy,” I tell him softly.
Roark swallows hard. “Baby, I fucked up,” he says softly.
“Ror, you don’t have to,” Turner says, shaking his head.
My eyes bounce between them, looking for answers. “What am I missing? Someone read me in, please.”
Derek stares at the counter, avoiding eye contact.
“Someone?” My voice raises as my heart starts to race.
Roark comes around as he sees the panic in my eyes. Pushing food out of the way, he picks me up, setting me on the counter.
“None of that, baby girl. I’ll tell you if you take a deep breath for me okay?” Roark digs his fingers into my thighs, grounding me as I breathe.
“Good girl,” he purrs and I tilt my head with a giggle. “One more for daddy,” he teases and I give him an open smile as I take another deep breath.
“I’ve been a good girl, now tell me,” I demand.
Turner squeezes Roark’s shoulder and he sighs. “A few times a week, Turner and I went to Miguel’s club to make sure we were seen. The plan was to shift media attention to us instead. We think Xav has been running drugs through Miguel’s clubs, and I was in a shitty place and accepted a bag of drugs from a dealer I didn’t know,” he explains.
Roark has been clean for years.
“Oh shit,” I whisper. “What happened?”
Roark takes a deep breath, dropping his forehead on mine. “My actions are mine and mine alone, is that understood? The things happening around me, they didn’t help, but I didn’t have to take those pills, baby,” he murmurs.
Tears overflow unbidden, and I hiccup a sob. “It was right after I found out what Xav did to you the day Derek went to see his mum. I spiraled, I tried to keep my mind off things, and I failed. I crushed up two pills of whatever the fuck the guy gave me, snorted it, and ended up overdosing,” Roark confesses.
I sob, my hands finding his arms and squeezing. “Oh my god,” I whisper. “What happened? How are you here?”
“I felt the high I was looking for, and then I couldn’t breathe, Lennon. I immediately regretted it. I wanted an escape, space to come to terms with what happened, and epically failed because it was laced with fentanyl. So I did what I could: I kicked the shit out of the cabinets, hoping someone would come looking,” Roark explains.
“Tesa’s mother found him,” Turner rumbles.
“She went running for Red, and she saved my life. Greg must have been a boy scout in another life, because he insisted on having Narcan in the house as a precaution. Turns out once an addict, always an addict,” Roark says self-deprecatingly.
“Ror,” I bark, shaking my head. “Getting high wasn’t the best choice you could have made, but you can’t say shit like that about yourself. You’ve been clean for a long goddamn time, and people make mistakes.”
“How are you so good?” Roark asks, throwing up his hands. “You should be chewing me a new asshole.”
“When did you overdose?” I ask, because my days run together.How is he even standing here?
He swallows thickly. “Two and a half days ago… ish. Tesa’s mom made me drink this awful tasting shit, but between that and an IV, and I wasn’t going to miss coming to get you. I’m a tank, baby girl, and I needed to see you with my own eyes,” he says.
I can’t stop crying as I think about how I could have lost him. Roark picks me up, and my legs immediately wrap around his waist. I whimper, dropping my legs when my stitches pull.
“Fuck, what did you do?” Roark asks, sitting on the stool I was on and cuddling me to him.
“Stitches, I’m okay, I think,” I gasp.
