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“No, honey, it was perfect,” the words slip from me before I can take them back. I don’t call many people that, why did I? “I mean, can you keep doing what you were? I’ll try to be quiet.”
My noises made him nervous, he doesn’t know me well enough to understand that’s my ‘please keep going’ sound. We don’t know each other at all, so I don’t expect him to realize I really enjoyed what he was doing.
Hesitantly, he moves back towards me. “Why would you need to be quiet? Your voice sounds a little odd, does your throat hurt?”
Orion is trying so hard to figure me out, I bite my lip as I try to explain. His thumb rubs up and down at the perfect pressure and I bite down as my eyes roll. His hands should be illegal.
“No,” I breathe, pressing my lips together to hold in my noises. “What you’re doing feels amazing, and I don’t want to freak you out.”
Orion doesn’t say anything, instead running his finger up and down again, and his other fingers rub my skull.
“Fuck, please don’t stop,” I moan. “It feels so good, and I’ll do anything to keep this migraine away.”
There’s still silence on Orion’s side, but I sigh happily as he continues to massage my head.
“Are you making sex noises? I mean, I have very little experience with that, but if I had to guess…” Orion murmurs and I giggle.
God, this is so awkward. “Yeah, that’s why I’m trying to stay quiet. But I can’t, because your hands are amazing. I don’t think I’m going to let you go any time soon, so you may as well get back in the bed. I’m absolutely using you for your hands, in case you feel uncomfortable with the idea of laying here with me,” I tell him.
Orion shifts, climbing over me, never stopping as he continues to alleviate the pain in my head. “I’m not uncomfortable with it, I’ve been laying here listening to you sleep for the last few hours. I just didn’t know how you’d feel about it,” he mumbles.
My brain short circuits as a wave of pleasure flows over me. His scalp massage is incredible. “The guys put you here for a reason, and I trust you,” I tell him, the last word sighed instead of spoken. “I’m not having a great night, so thank you for waking me. I needed to be.”
Orion is quiet for a moment, but I hear him swallow behind me. “Do you want to talk about it? You were talking in your sleep, and it didn’t sound pleasant.”
Derek said he wasn’t good with people, so I know Orion isn’t being sarcastic. I relax in his hands, and he hesitantly moves them down my body to my waist. His other hand doesn’t stop rubbing and massaging my head and I sigh contentedly.
“Tell me, please?” he says softly in my ear. “I promise to keep all of your secrets.”
My heart melts a little more and I can see why Derek is attracted to him. Orion is real, and that one sentence makes me want to give him this. It’s not a secret, the guys know it happened, they just don’t know the details.
“I was dreaming about the men Xav sold me to,” I say softly, shivering.
Orion scoots closer to me, and the heat of his body grounds me. He doesn’t say anything, just waits for me as he bears silent witness to my words.
“Nurse Elaine and Collymore forced me to swallow some pills, and told me it would be better for me. They ‘tested’ me to make sure it was working, and god the thought that this drug exists makes me ill. Your body gets oversensitized, and all you want is someone to touch you. It would remind me of MDMA, well ecstasy, but it also made me horny. I needed to have sex,” I say, gritting my teeth.
“You didn’t want to have sex with Elaine and Colly, not really, right?” Orion asks, almost rhetorically. “If you were clear headed, the idea would disgust you.”
My breath hitches, but he calmly continues his scalp massage. His hand on my waist also twitches slightly, and I wonder why.
“Never. I wouldn’t fuck them with someone else’s vagina,” I say vehemently.
Orion snorts softly. “Well said. So, continuing in this vein of logic, you wouldn’t want to be intimate with the men Xav sold you to, either?”
I shake my head. “No… but I walked in willingly,” I rasp. “My body bent to them, I opened my legs to them, I—”
Tears flow as my chest heaves, and Orion shakes his head.
“You didn’t want it,” he insists, gritting his teeth. “A drug that alters your natural response and reactions robs you of consent. Lennon… you don’t have to say no, or scream, or fight someone off to refuse consent if someone robs you of your voice completely.”
I shudder as I really listen to his words. I was raped for hours, I didn’t consent, and I’m not at fault. I didn’t choose anything that happened at Hidden Hills. My breath comes quickly, but it’s not panic, it’s realization.
“I didn't choose this,” I repeat, my tone trembling with emotion. I’m covered in goosebumps and shiver as my eyes fill with tears.
“No, you didn’t,” Orion whispers. “I’m not good at this, but I feel like I need to hug you. Can I?”
I nod, because I do need a hug. I turn, and his fingers tangle in my hair. Instead of trying to remove them, he uses it to pull my head to his chest. He feels solid, and I burrow into him, unable to hug him back because of the damn IV.
