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I was lonely by myself and I missed the one person who used to make the fishing shack feel like a real home. We hung out there on weekends back in high school and pretty much lived there all summer long, going to town only to beg for food from Memaw or his momma. Summer break was just around the corner and I bolstered myself for his return. Selling my seafood to restaurants when Jamie was back from college became harder because he worked at the place that was my primary customer, so running into him became unavoidable.
I glanced at my phone, noticing it was nearly two in the afternoon. I’d been busy caulking the shower enclosure and it took longer than I’d expected, but I was proud to finally have a bathroom in the shack. It was too late to fish or check my crab and lobster pots so I called Marcus to let him know I had nothing fresh for him that day.
Marcus was the chef at Crab King, a fine dining joint in Port Royal, a mid-sized town on an island of the same name, Port Royal Island. He paid the most for spiny lobsters and the occasional crab so I needed to keep him supplied. I also knew he had a crush on me which came in handy back when I was broke and relied on his largesse to eat. There’d been many times in the past when he’d paid me for a lobster that didn’t exist when I’d had bad luck fishing or needed money for food. He knew my life story and how my relationship with Jamie ending had affected me. Jamie was a reliable employee so Marcus kept him on summers and I dealt with it. Marcus was a good person who I trusted completely, so I knew he’d never want to hurt me.
Cracking open a can of Mellow Yellow, I walked to the dock and dangled my feet in the river. The water and air temperatures were warming up and business had been good for me so far. There were many reasons to feel blessed, as Memaw would have said.
A plane flew overhead, banking toward Charleston, a hundred miles or so east of me and the closest large airport. I squinted and made a visor with my hand so I could try to make out the airline, but I knew Jamie wasn’t on that one because he wasn’t due home for another week. I twisted my thumb around and stared at the tiny lines that identified who I was. The pinprick from years ago had faded. It hurt real bad knowing Jamie hadn’t taken me with him even though we’d shared a promise with blood.
CHAPTER FOUR: Hayes
Phillip was in the shower readying himself for work while I stared at the ceiling wondering how our relationship lasted this long. It wasn’t entirely his fault and I knew that, but my heart didn’t feel any better knowing I’d grown to accept that my marriage goals were on the back burner. I gazed at the small letter P tattooed on the inside of my wrist. The letter was the closest Phillip could get to a commitment. He was so concerned about being outed that his tattoo, a letter H, was strategically hidden by his underwear so no one would notice it.
For the hundredth time, here I was fixated on another family event where my love and I would not be going as a couple. When we did attend functions that involved family or work colleagues, we never showed up with each other even though we’d more than likely showered together an hour or so before. Most times we’d leave in separate cars, meeting up later at the event with dates on our arms. He’d be with another female date for Daddy’s celebration but I wouldn’t. I’d stopped pretending recently, much to his chagrin.
“I’m going out with the guys tonight,” Phillip announced as he entered the bedroom after his shower.
He looked amazing as usual with his perfectly sculpted body. Not too big and not too small. He took pride in maintaining his strong physique, and I wasn’t upset about the long workouts because he enjoyed sharing his body with me on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Like every detail of our secret life as a couple, even the sex was scheduled. Tuesdays we fucked at his place and Saturdays at mine. I couldn’t remember the last time we’d been spontaneous or deviated from the strict schedule.
“Out with the gays or the straights?” I asked snottily.
“You know, I don’t hang out with the gays without you.”
“So a strip club then?” I asked. “Best to keep the image up, stud? Is that it?”
He was standing in front of my dresser when he spun around, gripping a pair of socks and clean underwear. “Do you hear your tone?” he asked. “That’s exactly what I was talking about last night.” He dropped his towel, giving me a view of my favorite chew toy. “You’re being nasty and a bit bitchy, Hayes. It’s not a good look on you.”
Perhaps his cock wasn’t my beloved toy after that comment. “Sorry for wondering why my gay lover of ten years wants to look at naked women.”
“You’re not truly sorry though, Hayes. That’s the point, isn’t it?”
I sat up in bed, leaning back against the headboard and pointed at him. “And that’s what you do so well lately, Phillip,” I accused, waving my finger side to side. “You find fault.”
“I’m not doing this today,” he stated, pulling on yesterday’s suit pants since he planned to stop by his place six blocks away and change into fresh clothes. “These talks are getting just a bit too common and old.”
“Like us?”
That stopped him on the trail he so enjoyed hiking his judgment across. “What does that mean?” He draped his necktie around his neck even though he wouldn’t be tying it. “Are we about to examine our relationship again before work?”
“Would that be so bad if we did?” I asked. “Or should we wait another year until you’re forced by your career goals to marry a woman?”
“You’re not fun, you know that?”
“And neither is this sham thing we’ve been doing since college, Phillip. Something has got to give,” I admitted. “These talks with our hostile attitudes will tear us apart before we realize it’s happening. Maybe it already has?”
“God! You’re so dramatic, and I don’t know what you’re talking about half the time. Our relationship works just fine for me.” He walked to the edge of the bed and hovered over me. I reached for my cell and tapped it awake, the blue light illuminating my face while he remained glaring at me. “So, we’re done here?” he asked when I ignored him.
“Enjoy your day, Phillip,” I stated, staring at the screensaver on my phone. The image was of him when we’d gone on an ATV tour in Hawaii and he was covered in mud with only the whites of his eyes visible from behind the mask of dirt. I loved the image because he rarely let loose and dropped the pretenses.
He didn’t bend over and kiss me goodbye. He didn’t tell me he loved me either. Instead he turned and walked out of the room and down the stairs. I heard him grab his car keys, dragging them across the expensive table I’d mentioned last night. The door closed behind him and we began another day like so many of late. Off to another bad start and adding them to the growing pile of relationship doom.
Dragging myself out of bed I entered the bathroom, staring into the large mirror. I leaned forward and checked the corners of my eyes for any new crow’s feet. Twenty-six and still none. Copious amounts of moisturizer and Momma’s genes were working so far. My tousled hair needed a cut but would survive the long weekend until Todd, my stylist at my favorite Charleston salon, could fit me in next week. I’d met Todd when he was fresh out of beauty school and had just started at his place of work. He was forty dollars a cut back then. He was a hundred and fifty now, and with me going every three weeks, his services were expensive.
My face was clear and lightly tanned from last weekend’s golf date with Charles and Julia. I enjoyed the friendship we shared with the husband and wife which was why I was so bothered by Charles stepping out with a man on the side. Phillip had involved us in a situation I despised. He saw no problem wanting to be friends with both Charles and his wife Julia, while supporting Charles and his side piece, John. How long can one navigate those landmines? Truthfully, Phillip had mastered the tightrope and I wasn’t sure what that meant for our future.
My hand ran across my smooth chest and then outlined my abs, counting silently as I went along. There’d been eight through college, then six, with two of them currently fading due to my lack of discipline. Phillip liked me tight and slim with small yet defined pecs, but his attraction to me was based on my bubble butt. He claimed it drove him wild and he used to rave about how it reminded him of two perfect globes of flesh. Unfortunately, like most things about me recently, he’d complimented my ass less than usual.
I hadn’t done much better. I found it harder to get aroused the way I used to when I lusted after Phillip. The sex was still hot and so was he, but I was more of an emotional connection kind of person, and I needed to feel drawn to my partner because of how they made me feel on a deeper level. I needed love and that was just how I was. My respect for love and marriage was also important, and knowing I was unlikely to be married as long as I was with Phillip hurt.
