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‘I love you,’ she said. ‘I always have. I didn’t want to for so long, but I couldn’t not. And I think you love me too.’
Gabriel stared at her, holding his breath. She loved him. And he loved her. There was nothing to stop him. He looked down at her beautiful, hopeful face, seeing the sweetness of her, and the goodness. And now she was whole too. But he had nothing to give her. Nothing good—not like his father or Alistair.
But she wants you.
It was like saying a prayer or a poem. And for a moment he hesitated. He could take her hand and let her love him. There was nothing to stop him.
So he would have to stop himself.
Because if he took her hand, and her love, he might ruin her life.
Because he didn’t know how to be whole. He didn’t know if he could ever be whole, and not knowing for sure meant that he couldn’t be with her.
He couldn’t take the risk and maybe hurt her again. Hurt her more. He would do anything to make sure that didn’t happen. Even give up the chance to be with her.
She was waiting for him to speak, and he needed to say something quickly, before he gave in to his need to be loved by this marvel of a woman.
‘I’m sorry.’ He lifted his hands from her waist carefully. ‘I don’t feel the same way,’ he lied. ‘I don’t love you. Back on the island it felt brutal, just ending things between us, but I thought I’d made it clear that this was only ever a temporary arrangement.’
It hurt so much, watching her face change, and he knew then that she did love him. Because she couldn’t hide her confusion and her pain.
‘But we were going to New York—’
‘For fun.’ He frowned. ‘Look, I’m sorry if you got the wrong idea—’
‘So what was all this for?’
She took a step towards him, and he knew what it must have cost her to do it, because he knew what it cost him to stop himself doing the same.
‘You and me on the yacht and the island? Going to New York? Coming with me to London?’
Her gaze was steady, and she looked so serious, so determined, he felt like a child. And hewasa child—a damaged child—and she deserved so much better.
Forcing himself to meet her eyes, he frowned again. ‘We were on my plane and we were in mid-air. I had no choice but to come with you. The rest of it was just sex,’ he lied again. ‘But I won’t deny that I still want you, so if you want to keep things casual then we can hook up when I’m in town, but as for anything else...’
He remembered her confronting him on the deck ofThe Argentumand he hated himself. But he couldn’t be who she needed him to be. Not for certain. And not sure wasn’t enough.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said again—and he was.
But he needed to put her off, keep her at arm’s length, because if he touched her, felt the beat of her heart, then he wouldn’t be strong enough to push her away.
‘I know you don’t want to hear this, but all I care about is getting this acquisition over the line. You were there, and we had some fun. But all this was about putting the past behind me. All of the past. Including you.’
The lie felt seismic. He could feel it expanding in every direction, so that he half thought the walls would start to crumble and fall.
And he wanted to be crushed.
Anything would be better than seeing Dove’s eyes.
For one terrible moment he thought she might tell him she loved him again, but instead, in a voice that tore at him inside, she said quietly, ‘I thought you were a good man. But you’re not. You’re just anger and emptiness all wrapped up in a beautiful skin.’
He forced himself to meet her eyes. ‘You’ll get over it.’
She stared at him in silence, her face small and pale and stunned, and then she turned and pushed through the doors.
He had known it would be like this, but it was still unbearable. He stared after her for a moment, telling himself that it had been the right thing to do, and that he’d done it for her, and then he too turned and walked away.
CHAPTER TEN
