AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He still didn’t look at her. His head was cradled in his hands, and Zara knew that she had hurt him again. By hiding this.
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”
“Because you were only twenty and bright and brilliant and had your entire future ahead of you...” Her voice broke but Zara continued, “You have to realize that I was a widow, newly out of an abusive marriage, afraid of her own shadow, guilty about the freedom I suddenly had and facing a possible murder charge. What kind of future would you have had with me? I didn’t want to drag you down with me, Virat, if it all went wrong.”
“You were the first real thing in my life. You stood outside of my prestigious family. Outside of the industry I was surrounded by. Our relationship was something I had chosen for myself.”
“And that very intensity of your emotions...that terrified me so much.” Zara knelt in front of him, her hands on his knees, her head bent. “It wasn’t you that I didn’t trust, Virat.
“It was me. I was petrified of how you made me feel, frightened that someone would find out, terrified that you would see who I really was.”
“And what would that have been?”
“Nothing. I thought I was nothing. An imposter not worthy of your attention. All I had were empty dreams. Three years with Saleem had dented my confidence in myself, in my decisions. His death damaged my ability to even trust myself, and then his brother accused me of killing him.
“I was already worrying about where we were going, Virat. It felt like we were getting way ahead of ourselves. You even started talking of maybe leaving the industry behind, of starting fresh somewhere else, in a new country. And I... I was scared of leaving you but also terrified of leaving behind everything that was familiar.
“So when your mother approached me and asked me where I saw our affair going, pointed out that I was no good for you, I let her convince me that you were better off without me. That you were just infatuated with me, and if I left, you’d quickly get over me. I let her use her influence to stop Saleem’s brother from pursuing the case against me.
“But I thought she was trying to help me. I promise you I didn’t cash in on our relationship. I simply walked away from you. When the screen test for it landed in my lap, it was completely coincidental, but I took it as a sign. That I was better off with a career than with a man who deserved so much more than I could ever give him.”
Virat looked up and Zara thought she might break into a thousand pieces if he didn’t take her into his arms. “Then why lie to me when I blamed you for her actions? Why not tell me the truth then, Zara? God, you know how much I hate lies.”
Zara sat back on her heels, guilt clawing at her. How had she made such a bad judgment call? “Because more than anything, I didn’t want to hurt you any more by revealing her actions. I knew your relationship with her was already shaky. And I admit that I struggled to tell you what a coward I’d been back then.”
He didn’t open his eyes and Zara pushed herself between his legs and took his face in her hands. She put every ounce of feeling into her words, trembling with the need to tell him. The words came easily, fluttering onto her lips as if waiting to be released. “Because despite believing the worst of me, you still came back to me.
“You...gave me a chance. You tried to forgive me even when you thought I’d been paid off by your mother. You needed me just as much as I did you. And that, more than anything, convinced me that you and I belong together. This time, I have the guts to stand here and admit that—”
He looked into her eyes then. And the blankness she saw there made her chest hurt. “Don’t, Zara.”
“I’m in love with you. You make me laugh. I feel...alive even when I’m fighting with you and you pass out one of your dictates. Every time I reached out to you, you’ve given me more than I could ever ask.” She took his hand and placed it on her belly. “Including this baby that neither of us expected.”
“Zara—”
But she didn’t stop. She wanted to give words to the wonder in her chest. “I have never stopped loving you. Even ten years ago, when you swept me off my feet. Yes, I was scared, but you also made me see myself in a new light. You...made me laugh and find joy in new things. Ultimately, you...helped me heal, even though I didn’t realize it until it was too late.
“And now, I’m so much stronger. I love you and I know I can stand by your side and weather anything. As long as we’re together—”
He recoiled. “No, Zara, stop.” He pushed onto his feet and moved away from her, as if he couldn’t bear to be near her. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry. I thought I could. But I can’t.”
The emptiness she’d always been so scared of came barreling at her, and still, Zara tried to hold it off. “You can’t do what? Marry me? Build the family that we both want? We’ve already agreed to draw a line under the past, so at least, look at me and tell me why.”
He turned and there was such raw anguish in his eyes that she flinched. Any other man would have given in to the emotions radiating from him. But not Virat. Not when he had had to harden himself against pain and hurt, again and again. “I proposed we get married because I wanted my child to have everything I didn’t. Because I thought we both knew what to expect from each other. But...love, Zara...it complicates everything. I didn’t sign up for that.
“My mother and father ruined each other’s lives and ours in a futile pursuit of love.”
“We’re not them, Virat,” Zara said, trying not to lose patience. Lose hope. “Don’t you still get that? We went through the worst, we avoided each other for a decade but we found our way back to each other.” She laughed and the sound was a little broken. “I have no expectations of you today that I didn’t have yesterday. Nothing has changed.”
He pressed a hand to his temple. As if he couldn’t take any more. As if hearing her say she loved him was his worst nightmare. “Everything has changed. Your love...if I accept it, will only make me weak. It will suck me in and then...when it’s taken away again...”
“It will not be. I’ll never stop loving you. Trust this, please. Trust me,” she said, reaching out with her hands. Beseeching him to forgive her truly this time. To want her just one more time. To choose her one more time.
Instead, he walked away, leaving Zara standing there alone.
CHAPTER TWELVE
ZARAARRIVEDATthe first premiere of the biopic to a select audience of critics and industry pundits after two months on an uncommonly cold spring night in an off-white, sleeveless silk blouse and a beautiful handwoven silk sari in the same white shade, with a beautiful red border in contrast. The best part, however, had been that the sari had come pre-stitched—as if the designer had known that a four-and-a-half-months pregnant woman would have to manage it. So all Zara had had to do was to pull it on and one of her friends, Anna—who had sung the soundtrack for the movie—had easily pinned it over Zara’s shoulder.
