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Laughter burst through him and all he wanted to do was to pull her into his lap and stay there the entire night. Maybe the entire week and then a month and then a lifetime. “You’re...hurt?” he demanded. Slowly, he pushed away her hair. His fingers met a nasty bump. She flinched. A curse exploded from his mouth. “What can I do?”
Something in his tone made her pin those eyes on him, her smile disappearing. “It’s just a bump, Christian. I’m fine.”
He joined her against the wall, dipping his head into his hands. “I’m so sorry.”
“For what? I did a sloppy job of hanging it up, clearly.”
He took the picture from her hands. It was a photo of when he and Jai had found their first seed investor. Taken by Priya. They’d been coming off a twenty-hour-long coding session. They looked painfully young, full of dreams and ambition. He didn’t even recognize himself in the face that looked back at him. He didn’t remember the ambition, the drive, the future he’d wanted back then. The cocky arrogance, the ruthless charm he’d used effortlessly...the need for more, more and more.
Priya took the picture from his hands with a purposeful grip that pulled his attention back to the present. She crawled up to his front on her knees. Apparently, she still wasn’t done.
Hanging wide open to her elbow, her robe parted to reveal the tight top with her nipples still pebbled against it. The strip of silky midriff and the shorts hanging low on her hips... He wondered if that was the new image that would haunt him in his dreams.
She pushed her hair away from her face in a gesture that was achingly familiar. “So our experiment is at an end?”
He grinned, despite everything else. There was something so fiercely alive about her that it was impossible to not smile, not be thankful. Reaching out, he straightened her robe, his fingers lingering far too long on her neck. She closed her eyes as he tied the knot of her robe. “I think we disproved your hypothesis very clearly.”
“I’ve never been more excited about being wrong,” she whispered, one side of her mouth hitching up. Color darkened her cheeks as she flicked a look at him from under her lashes. “I feel like I should apologize.”
He leaned his head against the wall. “For what?”
“I didn’t mean to push you into something you’re not ready for.”
He laughed then, and it came from his belly. It was relief and exhaustion and so much more that he couldn’t even identify. Tangling his fingers in her hair, he twisted it around. Wanting to touch her was like needing his next breath. Wanting to be inside her a craven longing in his belly. “I was this close to grinding us both toward a climax in our clothes, like a randy, out-of-control teenager. What about that says I’m not ready to you?”
“You looked relieved about stopping. The bump notwithstanding.”
He thrust a hand through his own hair, still tasting her on his lips. He needed to say the words even if they hurt her. Needed to draw some kind of line around this, for both their sakes. “I don’t want to complicate things between us right now.”
“You used to say sex should never be a complication.”
“I was clearly insufferable and arrogant. And between us, it was never that simple.”
For a long time, she didn’t say anything. Her hands stayed on his knees, as if to tell him she was still there for him. Christian felt each and every muscle relax. Something about this silence—shared with her—didn’t weigh him down. Instead, his mind calmed—her touch, her scent, the warmth of her body anchoring him to her. It was the most peaceful he’d felt in a long time.
“Will you tell me a little about what it was like for you?” came her question, soft, tentative and oh-so-guarded.
For long seconds, Christian fought the words that rose. Tried to sterilize and sanitize the truth. His gaze roamed the colorful room and landed on the boy.
No,his son, in another picture, with light brown hair, and large, solemn brown eyes, his mouth kicked up on one side. A candid shot that had caught him at the end of a tantrum probably while his mother... She was on her knees, her arm around him, a wide smile curving her mouth. The pure joy and love in the frame melted away every feeble protest. Burned down the hesitation. If nothing else, she deserved truth from him, as much as he could spare.
And it hit him then. This tight band that had cramped his stomach from the moment he’d walked in here. It wasn’t anger. Or even grief. It was fear.
Because, God, he wasn’t ready. For that little boy who’d already changed his life irrevocably. He didn’t feel remotely ready for Priya and Jayden and this life he’d desperately wanted to get back to, for the weight of this beautiful life.
The terrifying fact was that he wasn’t sure if he’d ever feel ready. If he’d ever feel good enough.
His jaw tightened so hard that Priya braced for him to shut down, to shut her out. Had she pushed him too far today? Would he ever let her see him? That was the biggest difference she saw in him—how closed off he was now. How little he shared.
Even that kiss, she felt as if she’d stolen it from him. Taken it for herself. At least, in the beginning. Her first thought when he’d brushed his lips against hers was that he tasted the same.
From all those years ago, from the kisses and caresses he’d lavished upon her. But also different. Or was it her who was different?
The attraction between them, however—it seemed it had remained constant. Maybe even the only constant between them because they were clearly different people now. She didn’t know if she could seek solace in that or not. Because it was clear he’d given in to her against his better judgment, even though it had been exactly what they’d both needed.
Even though, once they’d started, it had been a conflagration. While it felt like her body was still burning in the wake of it... He looked like he’d left it far behind already. Shadows wreathed his face now...carrying him away from her, from this moment. Far away, where she wasn’t sure she could reach him.
Maybe she shouldn’t want to reach him there, the sensible voice in her head pointed out. Maybe it was better to keep her distance from him, like she’d done all those years ago.
