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He could see the effort it cost her, too. The pulse at her neck was flickering away, like a caged bird flapping its wings to get out. And then she was moving toward him again and he thought this could be the moment his heart might burst right out of his chest.
“What I get out of it is...intimacy. A sense of security that I haven’t known for so long. I gave birth to our son alone. I fed him alone for endless nights. I woke up numerous times dreaming of you, only to find that damned vast bed empty. And cold. I want to sleep, at least for a couple of hours, with you holding me tight. I want to feel the warmth of you at my back and the solid strength of your arms around me. For once, I want to wake up feeling as if I’m tethered to someone else, and not just flying alone.”
She put her hand on his chest again and kissed his cheek. “I know you don’t want me to see you struggling to sleep. But please don’t deny me this, Christian.”
Tugging her gaze away, she got into the bed and pulled the duvet over her. Her back was stiff, her shoulders tight as she settled on her side. He saw the curve of her bottom, the long length of her legs before the duvet hid her from his eyes.
His hands were shaking as he lifted the duvet up again. Cursing and muttering like an old fisherman who used to rant about his wife on the Caribbean island they were flying to, Christian got into bed.
“You’re not taking your shirt and trousers off?” came Priya’s muffled voice. He could hear laughter and pleasure coiled together in her voice, just as arousing as the taut length of her.
“Don’t push your luck,” he muttered, lying completely still on his back. Still, he couldn’t help but feel her bottom wedged firmly against his thigh. The scent of her—that damned rose scent that always made him think of her—filled his nostrils.
“You’re supposed to spoon me,” she said more loudly this time. “That’s the entire point of a nap date.”
Christian wondered if this was a punishment for all the times he’d dumped a woman because she wasn’t Priya. He’d never been cruel, but he’d always known his heart had never been in it to begin with. “You’re making this up.”
“You’ve been gone for eight years. You don’t know what’s trending in the world. Pardon me for remembering you as the guy who’s usually up for any kind of adventure.”
“This is not an adventure. This is...” She scooted back, still on her side, and Christian felt his breath jump out of him as he was being thrown here and there by lashing waves of frustrated desire. “...torture,” he whispered on a groan.
“You used to be so much fun, Christian. Now you’re mostly grumpy and grouchy. No, you became like this even before the plane crash. Those few months when we were married... You became someone else.”
He laughed rather bitterly at that. “That’s what happens when life gives you the very thing you want, despite knowing you shouldn’t want it. And at a price you could never pay.”
She stilled against him. As if she didn’t even dare take a breath. Moments tumbled into minutes, and still she said nothing. And the longer the silence stretched on with her non-reply, the more it felt like a rejection. Not of him. But of his truth.
He’d had no intention of saying that and yet... Now that it was out, he wanted her acknowledgment. He wanted her to accept it.
His first impulse was to get off the bed and run away, far and fast. Given that they were on a private jet right now, that wasn’t too far. Fighting the urge to stomp away because he wasn’t getting what he wanted—he had to act better than his son, after all—he decided to defuse the sudden tension by saying, “I’m not really into spooning. I’m more of a forking guy myself.”
“I have no idea what that means,” she said, breathlessly.
“Shall I show you?”
And then he heard it. Her laughter, muffled by the duvet.
He couldn’t have resisted turning if his very last breath depended on staying still. Placing his arm around her, he scooped Priya closer until she was plastered to his front. Her legs somehow crisscrossed between his and her ass was tucked up directly into his groin.
A ragged groan left his mouth as his erection twitched for room, and neatly snuggled into the curve of her bottom. She stiffened for a second and then she settled into him, notching herself even more snugly against him.
“God, Pree, what did I ever do to you to deserve this torture?”
Her head tucked into the crook of his folded arm, she sent him a sideways glance that went straight to his heart. Her full-body shudder rocked him to his core when she said a little brokenly, “You left me, Christian. After making all those promises...and after saving me from myself, you suddenly left me.”
“Shh...baby,” he said, softly crooning. “I’m not going anywhere this time. Not ever again.”
And then he pulled her impossibly closer again, until his forearm rested between her breasts. They were locked so tight against each other that it was a miracle they could even breathe. He pressed his lips to her temple and whispered sweet nothings in her ear.
Her breathing settled into a slower pace and his followed. Like the softest down duvet, Christian felt a peace that had been missing from his life for a long time finally settle over his skin. Every inch of his body, every muscle felt lax, loose. His heart resumed a soft rhythm, trying to match hers. He heard the soft exhale of her breaths, the rise and fall of her chest against his arms. She was asleep.
In a matter of minutes, he felt a deep weariness pull him under and for the first time in eight years, Christian sank into sleep, without worrying about which nightmare would drag him out of it.
CHAPTER TEN
PRIYAWOKEUPsuddenly, hurtling out of some dream she couldn’t hold on to. She reached out to find an empty space next to her. For a few seconds, pure panic filled her. Panic that it all had been a dream again. That Christian hadn’t truly returned to them.
To her.
