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“Did you notice the date?”
“Yes.”
She saw his lashes flick down, hiding his expression from her. A thread of hurt wound itself around her heart. “It’s the day we got married.”
His gaze met hers, the blue vivid and all-consuming. “I know.”
“Then why aren’t you in this bed with me, celebrating the day as we should, screwing like those pet rabbits Jayden wants?”
He suddenly looked wary. “I thought we both agreed a long time ago that this wasn’t going to be a real marriage.”
“To begin with, yes. But...things change. Or rather people change.”
His head jerked up.
Pushing the duvet away, Priya sat up. Resolve was like steel in her spine. She’d wanted this day to be different for so many years. And today, she could finally have that. She had him within reach. “We need to talk about that weekend in the Alps.”
“No.”
“Yes, we do,” she said stubbornly. “Today, of all days, I need to say all the things I’ve wanted to for eight years. The things I whispered to myself while you were gone.”
He walked to the opposite edge of the bed, his features haunted. As if this was a punishment.
“Before you asked me to marry you...all those months I stayed with you, I... I was crazy about you.”
He flinched. “Pree, don’t—”
“If you say I’m making this up, I’ll punch you right in that pretty mouth.”
He leaned back, his jaw still clenched.
“I was struggling with it, because it had barely been a year since Jai died. How could I feel so much for you when it had been barely an year since we lost him? I thought it was escape. I called it lingering grief over Jai. I called it anger at life. I gave it every name except what it was, Christian.
“I just wanted you. And not just simple lust either, though it felt safe to call it that. I could understand lust. I... I was jealous of every soccer star and actress you dated. I wanted you to look at me the way you looked at them. I wanted to flirt with you, and kiss you. I wanted to laugh with you. I wanted to be the one who danced with you.
“And then, in the blink of an eye, I was your wife. But instead of bringing us close, it only pushed you further away from me. But I was okay because it was safe. I didn’t know how to get your attention. I didn’t even know what I’d do if I had it.
“It became clear how much of an inconvenience I was but you wouldn’t ask me to leave. Instead, you stayed out more and more before we went on that trip to the Alps. You made every excuse you could to avoid coming home to the apartment—your apartment. And to me...” The sound that ripped from her throat was a mixture of anger and disgust. “The more I wanted you, the more I was determined to hide it. The more lies I told myself. I acted like a victim and a coward. God, I was such a self-righteous fool. And then, we took that trip. We got stranded at the cabin in the snow, and it looked like we’d be stuck for a few days.”
Christian leaped out of the chair, as if he couldn’t bear to be still. “Pree, we don’t have to go over this right now.”
“Yes, we do. I know what we did that weekend bothers you. The next morning you looked at me as if I was the worst mistake you’d ever made. You wouldn’t even make eye contact with me, and I see that in your eyes even now.”
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he turned toward her. “I didn’t, for a single second, regret what happened that weekend.”
But it wasn’t the entire truth; Priya knew that now. There was more. It ate through her...this need to know. This need to understand all his truths. All of him.
“I thought I’d let you down.” He groaned. “I’d promised you I wouldn’t let anything mess with our relationship and I...”
“One night with me messed up our relationship?” she asked curiously.
“Didn’t it?”
“You spent three weeks away after that and then your plane crashed. I’d like to think, given enough time, I’d have been brave enough to tell you outright that I wanted you.”
He stood there, stock-still, as if the truth had skewered him.
Drawing her knees up, she wrapped her arms around them. It didn’t matter if he didn’t like it. Or if he didn’t want to see it. She was done hiding the truth from him. “I’ll never be that foolish girl again, Christian. I’ll not wait another eight years for what I want when it’s within touching distance. I’ll never again live my life safely. Because that’s no life at all.”
