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He had an excuse for forgetting the day they’d lost Jai for the last eight years. But there was no excuse for forgetting it today. Shame had chased him away, out of the villa.
The last four weeks with just Priya and Jayden and him doing nothing but lazing around, playing on the beach, cooking and baking in the kitchen had been sheer paradise. The location had very little to do with it. In the afternoons, Jayden napped and Priya, the workaholic that she’d become, would check to see if there were any company fires to put out and he... He’d attended online therapy sessions thrice a week.
The other two weekdays, he’d sit in the wide-open office space across from her, familiarizing himself with all the tech that had bloomed in his absence. He liked looking up and seeing her scrunched-up face, or solving problems in the smooth, calm tones she used.
Eight years was a long time to be absent from a groundbreaking field like his, but once he’d opened his system, programming had come back to him with all the ease of swimming or cycling. He was building something now that he believed would have quite an impact when he was done tinkering with it.
And at night, all three of them sat outside, sometimes in the hammocks, listening to the sounds of the ocean, watching the starry sky. The arrival of the telescope he’d ordered the very evening they’d arrived had been quite the surprise for Jayden. That first evening, they’d spent hours talking while Christian set it up.
Now, every night Jayden and he studied the stars while Priya curled up nearby, listening to music. Once even Jayden’s inexhaustible supply of energy was drained, Christian carried him to his bedroom.
By the time he’d showered and arrived in their own room, Priya would already be under the covers, sometimes more than half-asleep. The thought of her buried under the covers in buttoned-up pajamas that very first night made him smile now.
After eight years of dreading it, the inky blackness of night was something he finally looked forward to. He loved gathering her up against him and nodding off to sleep. But whether he woke up with a nightmare or just hungry for her, she was always there next to him.
And she matched him in his appetite. The number of times she’d woken him up with her mouth at his ear, teasing him, telling him she’d read about a position she wanted to try... A shiver went down his spine, heat gathered in his pelvis. It was as if she was determined not to lose a moment with him. As if she was determined to make up for every moment they’d lost in the eight years.
As if she’d never get enough of him.
But the strangest thing was that with Priya, sex became an adventure, often filled with laughter. It was so much more than just sating their mutual desire.
She gave everything to this, to them. Just as she had back then to Jai. Just as she did to being a mom. Just as she did for the company and its people. Just as she always would to this...marriage of theirs.
And he knew she always would. It had taken him this long to truly see it, to believe it. This long to understand why she’d said it was important to untangle the past from the present.
He felt so incredibly guilty that he’d forgotten that today marked the day they’d both lost Jai. He hadn’t remembered even when he’d woken up with sunlight slanting over his face and stretched out an arm to find the space next to him empty.
Only when he’d walked into the open lounge to find Priya on a call, speaking to Jai’s parents, did the significance of the date hit him. And when it did, it was like a punch to the gut. In its wake came a massive surge of grief and guilt. He’d felt the same way about Jai’s death right up until he’d lost his memory, but it was so much more powerful today because he’d realized he had everything that should have been Jai’s.
Priya and a son and the second chance to get it right.
So, instead of offering the little comfort that she might have needed today, he’d fled to the beach with his son in tow. He couldn’t face himself in the mirror, much less bear witness to Priya’s grief. Knowing that he was running away when she needed him the most.
And thinking of his lost best friend meant facing what he’d been hiding from the first moment he’d seen her. From the moment Jayden had turned those solemn brown eyes at him.
Facing that he’d needed to first tell Priya the truth. First, he had to give her the complete truth. Only then he could think of the future. Because if he didn’t tell her now and if he lost himself again, she would never know.
And she deserved to know.
Once she knew about the past, then he’d be free to address the future. Because, as much as it terrified him, he had to try. He had to be the best man he could be for her. He had to address the possibility that he might have another episode, address how it would ripple through Priya and Jayden’s lives, how much it could hurt them. He had to face his worst fear because he owed it to his son.
He owed it to his wife, the fierce woman who had kissed him, cajoled him, challenged him and pushed him to embrace who he was now, to embrace the life they had—so determined to see the best of him even when he wasn’t.
He owed it to himself because that’s the Christian he saw reflected in her eyes.
The Christian that deserved to find a measure of peace after all this time.
The Christian that Priya deserved to have as a husband.
Between him and Priya, who’d been waiting anxiously for their return, they managed to get the sand out of Jayden’s hair in a quick bath. How both of them ended up wetter than their son was a mystery Christian didn’t even try to solve. While Christian showered, Priya helped Jayden finish his soup and get into his bed.
He found her in the main lounge, her bare legs tucked under her, her face illuminated by the glare from the muted giant flat-screen TV on the wall. Pillow tucked under one elbow, she was staring off into the distance while strains of the sitar filled the air. A jolt went through him as he realized the overlarge sweater she was wearing was his. The washed-out yellow made her brown skin glow.
A pink bra strap winked at him from the dipped neckline. He swallowed and looked away. A hundred years and he wondered if he’d ever be used to looking at her and thinking he shouldn’t want her. If he’d ever see her as his, completely.
She scrunched into herself with a sudden shiver. With a curse, he walked across the room and closed the French doors.
The image of her sitting on that couch like that, forlorn and lost to the world around her, reminded him painfully of the months he’d spent cajoling her out of this very pose after Jai had died. But the shadows in her eyes now... They weren’t because of a love that had been lost a long time ago.
