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But there was something I could talk to him about, I realized—something I hadn’t been able to discuss with anyone else. “There’s also a woman.”
He took the bar out of my hands and placed it back on the rack. “You’re dating someone?”
“You don’t need to sound so surprised.”
“No, sorry, it’s just…you’re such a terminal bachelor.”
“Well, I’m not dating her,” I admitted. “We’ve just been hooking up.”
“But you wouldn’t be this worked up about it if there weren’t feelings involved.”
I didn’t like admitting it. I wasn’t someone who had feelings like that before. And I especially hated that I’d gotten them for someone who clearly didn’t return them. Who had always been more worried about career advancement than about anything that might be happening between the two of us. She’d been using me the whole time, and I resent her for that.
But Will was looking at me with a knowing expression on his face, and I had to admit that he had a point. If I didn’t care about her, this wouldn’t have sucked so much.
“All right,” I admitted. “Maybe there are more feelings than I initially wanted there to be.”
“And that’s a problem because?”
I sighed. “Part of the classified situation.”
“Oh, it’s that complicated?”
“Wish it wasn’t.”
“I’ve never seen you have feelings for anyone before in all the time I’ve known you,” Will said. “I don’t think you can treat that lightly, even if it is complicated.”
“You don’t understand.” There was no way he could understand.
“Maybe I don’t,” Will conceded. “And I get that it’s complicated. I know what it’s like when military life conflicts with personal life. But I also know, on some level, this is pretty simple, Brian. You have never cared about a woman before. If you care about her, you have to be your most positive self. You have to do whatever it takes if you want to be with her. Do you want to have a relationship with her?”
I didn’t answer. The answer that came to mind was a quick and undisputed yes. Yes, I wanted to be with Allison.
I wasn’t sure if I was glad to know that or not.
Chapter seventeen
ALISON
Aftermybath,Icouldn’t think about what had happened anymore. I had to get out of the house.
But my options were limited. I couldn’t go to my father’s house—he wasn’t going to want to see me right now. I suppose I could have gone to work, but that wasn’t going to help me put all this out of my mind. And as for friends, I didn’t have any in Washington yet. I hadn’t been here that long, and my time here had been almost entirely devoted to work.
Lacking anything to do to occupy myself, I decided to go to the bar, even though it was only early in the evening.
I didn’t bother to get dressed up. Ordinarily, I would have done something special with my hair to ensure I felt sexy. I would have wanted to cut loose, to feel free and wild on my night out. But that didn’t seem possible tonight. The best I could hope for was to relax a little bit, and in the service of that, I pulled my hair into a messy bun on top of my head and dressed in worn-in jeans and a cotton tank top. The only concession I made to looking nice was to brush on a bit of mascara—I tended to feel naked without that. But looking at myself in the mirror, I knew I was more likely to blend into the crowd tonight than to stand out.
That was exactly what I wanted.
It was a short walk from my house to the bar, and I made it in record time. Usually, I would have set a more leisurely pace. I would have taken the time to enjoy the evening air—it was a mild night, suitable for a walk. But today, I felt the urge to just get where I was going.
God, what a mess this all was.
I had no idea how I would make things right with my father after what had happened. Of course, I knew he would forgive me—it was Dad, and he would never stay angry at me forever. But I also knew that he was upset at me, which was definitely painful.
But honestly, I was more worried about Brian, and I hated that fact.
I shouldnotbe worrying about Brian.
