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I drove across town, seeing the young people heading to bars, holding hands with boyfriends, or walking in a group with their girlfriends. I felt like I’d missed all of that. I was too busy following Elle’s friends when I was a teenager, trying to be part of that world.
I was always chasing what she had. When I was close to having what I thought I wanted, it came crashing down on me. In the end, I didn’t have anything. I was left with an empty shell. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted.
I’d wanted what everyone else around me was telling me I should want. The pressure was intense.
Pulling into Sam’s driveway, I saw the light on in Sam’s bedroom upstairs. His routine was to head to bed shortly after Maggie went to sleep. Hopefully, he was already in his room for the night, and I wouldn’t have to talk to him. I preferred keeping Maggie as a buffer.
I unlocked the door and headed into the kitchen to stow my leftovers from dinner at Elle’s. “Umph,” I said when I ran into a hard body.
A hand grabbed for the container in my hand, and another held me close. My cheek was pressed against warm skin. Sam’s bare chest. His skin radiated heat, and he smelled faintly of soap, like he’d recently showered.
I wanted to lick his nipple, see if it got hard. His pecs under my cheek were hard and well-defined. The guys I’d dated had all been boys compared to him.
“Are you okay?” His voice was low and a little rumbly as his breath skated over my temple. It had all my girly parts waking up.
Shaky, I took a step back, out of his reach. “Sorry, I didn’t think you’d be here.”
His lips twitched. “In my own kitchen?”
“It’s just—” My mouth was suddenly very dry. “You’re usually in the shower or in bed by now.”
His gray sweatpants hung low on his waist. A trail of dark hair led my gaze downward. Was that a bulge visible through the thin material? I ripped my eyes away. Thinking about my boss this way was beyond inappropriate.
“Have you been avoiding me?” His voice was soft, probably in deference to Maggie sleeping just upstairs.
I had to get it together. “Of course not.”
Why was he still standing there half-naked? I looked around frantically for a shirt. Finding none, I reluctantly met his gaze.
He tipped his head slightly to the side, as if considering me. “I came down to get something to drink.”
An empty glass sat on the counter.
A drink. It was his kitchen. He had a right to be here. I shouldn’t be affected by his presence. He was myboss.
I reached for the carryout container he still held. “I’ll just throw this in the fridge and head to bed.”
“You know you’re welcome in the kitchen, and you can watch TV in the living room. This is your house now too,” Sam said as I took the plastic container from him and found a spot for it in the fridge.
I buried my head in the cool air, hoping he’d disappear by the time I closed the door. But there was something about his statement that hit me square in the chest. I’d had a home with my parents, but it was large and cold. Almost like a mausoleum. And my parents were almost never home. It wasn’t filled with warmth and laughter like this one.
“I know,” I said as I closed the fridge and turned to face him.
I needed space. I couldn’t seem to draw in a breath with him standing there, blocking my exit. His scent permeated my senses. His tan skin was on full display. I itched to touch him, to determine if he was hard everywhere. I resisted dropping my gaze to below his waistband. But then I settled on his bare chest again.
Everything about him was calling to me, waking up parts that hadn’t pinged in years. Sam wasn’t cocky or arrogant like the boys I grew up with. He was self-assured and masculine.
I wanted him.
This couldn’t be happening. Every time I was in this situation, I made the wrong choice. I wanted the thing I couldn’t have. Pursued the person who wasn’t right for me. Made the wrong move. Would I never learn?
My eyes stung with unshed tears. Mortified, I said, “I’m going to bed. See you tomorrow.”
I escaped, embarrassed for him to see me vulnerable. I closed my door and dove under my covers. He couldn’t know how he affected me.
This was a job, one I sorely needed to prove I was responsible. I wasn’t chasing some ridiculous dream, fame, friends, or anything else. I showed up, did my job, and kept to myself.
Sure, I wanted to be loved. I wanted a family. But Sam wasn’t it. He had his life and his daughter. He didn’t need me messing everything up.
