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Vulnerable. Weak. The memories from what happened the last time I drank too much swirled in my gut, making me feel slightly ill.
Sam merely nodded, seemingly accepting my explanation.
Maggie asked questions about the soccer game on the myriad of TVs around the restaurant, and I slowly relaxed. This time, when Sam sat next to me, it was comforting.
I was positive he’d never take advantage of me, especially when I was drunk. He seemed like a good guy. But I hated the feeling of not being aware of what was going on around me. It was a little like being on a roller coaster. I couldn’t stop the descent or control anything that happened to me on the twists and turns.
We ordered food, and by the time it arrived, I was more relaxed. I’d almost forgotten his prodding for me to get a drink.
Maggie’s eyes went wide at my steaming platter of fajitas, but then she quickly focused on her soft tacos. Sam helped her hold the first one, making me feel softer inside.
“How’s yours?” Sam asked when I carefully filled my tortilla with chicken, peppers, cheese, and sour cream.
I bit into the fajita, remembering the last time we were out to eat, and he’d gotten the cheese off my lip. “It’s good.”
After a few minutes of eating, Sam said, “I’m glad we went out. This is nice.”
“Me too.” The only thing was, it made me feel more a part of his and Maggie’s life, which was a little dangerous. I wasn’t sure how long this would last. Especially if we took the leap physically. Would I freak out? Maybe I should explain things before we took that step.
“Is everything okay?”
“Of course,” I said, not wanting to talk about it in front of Maggie.
Maggie entertained us with something funny that happened at the library this morning, and we took our carryout boxes to the car.
“You want to go to the playground?” Sam asked Maggie in the rearview mirror as he pulled from the curb.
“Yeah!” Maggie yelled, her response to anything she enjoyed.
As we pulled into the lot for the park, it was almost dusk. It was the perfect ending to the day.
Maggie raced for the swings. Sam took my hand; his palm felt good against mine. “Is everything okay?”
“Nothing I’d want to talk about in front of Maggie.”
“Maybe later?” he asked, his gaze steady on mine.
I let out a breath, knowing he deserved to know. “Okay.”
“Push me, Daddy,” Maggie called as we approached.
He went behind her, and because the playground was quiet this time of the evening, I sat in the swing next to her.
“You want me to push you too?” Sam asked me with a wink.
I held on to the chains and pushed with my feet. “Sure. Why not?”
“I can go higher,” Maggie challenged me.
“Are you sure about that?” I teased.
“Daddy, push me!”
When he gave her a big push, her resulting giggle flowed through my chest, filling me with so much joy. It was the best sound. When Sam’s palm pressed against my back, I felt that touch throughout my whole body. It probably wasn’t appropriate to be feeling anything about her father in front of Maggie, but I couldn’t seem to help it.
I was attracted to him. There was no denying or fighting it. But I needed to be honest with him.
We swung side by side, Maggie urging her father to go higher and higher. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. Finally, Sam said it was time to go, as it was almost dark.
