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She met my gaze. “I want you to know.”
I appreciated that. And for the first time, I was a little nervous about what she was going to say. I’d assumed it couldn’t be anything too horrible, but what did I know about life growing up in California?
“You know I wasn’t on the show, but I wanted to be. Elle was cast in the original show in high school and then a spin-off that followed the main kids to college and, in Elle’s case, cosmetology school. After she graduated, she tried working for a salon, but women would come in and recognize her as the villain she was on the show. They didn’t understand it was scripted. Elle came up with the idea of the barbershop, and a couple of the show’s producers wanted her to do it—Emily and, later, Jace.”
I didn’t know what any of this had to do with Alice, but I tried to be patient.
“After Elle moved to Colorado, Emily put the pressure on Elle and then on me to get her to film the show in LA. Then Jace started coming around too. Looking back, I think they thought he could seduce me to make the whole thing easier.”
I stiffened at the thought of one of the show’s producers, most likely older than her, pursuing her for business reasons.
Alice smiled sadly. “I enjoyed the attention. I’d never been pursued like that, not from someone older.”
I practically growled.
She pursed her lips. “I was a big girl. I knew what I was getting into.”
“Did you know at the time he was using you?”
Her face fell. “I didn’t. I thought he genuinely liked me, but I knew enough about the industry to have known better. He was sweet. But looking back, he was just a little more attentive than the boys I’d gone to high school with. We dated for a while, and he’d get angry when I couldn’t get Elle to fall in line. That’s what he called it.”
“Did he—”
She shook her head and covered my hand with hers. “He didn’t hurt me. Not physically, anyway.
“I wanted to please him, and, of course, I still wanted to be on the show. You have to understand my self-worth was wrapped up in it. My parents kept saying how wonderful it was that Elle was famous, even if it was more infamous than anything else. Elle claimed it ruined her reputation, and I think, for a time, it did.”
“That’s why she moved here, changed her name, and dyed her hair.” I remember her saying something about being a blonde and shortening her name.
Alice nodded. “She wanted an escape. We’d come here as kids, and she liked it.”
“What did Jace do?” I clenched my teeth so hard my jaw ached.
She was quiet for a few seconds as if gathering the courage to speak. “He filmed us after I’d been drinking.”
Energy coursed through my body. I wanted to punch something, to jump up and start pacing. Instead, I forced myself to take a few calming breaths. “How did you find out?”
“He showed it to me afterward, said he had the incentive I’d need to get my sister to comply.”
The idea of a sex video on the internet made me feel sick.
I gripped her thigh above her knee. “He wanted you to tell Elle, and she’d agree because she wanted to protect you.”
Alice swallowed hard. “But I didn’t. I visited her here and tried to convince her to do the show. I let her think it was for selfish reasons. I think I was ashamed I’d allowed myself to be used that way. Gray didn’t know anything about the show. It almost destroyed their relationship.”
“If Elle didn’t tell him, and his trust was blown, that’s not on you.”
“I said it on purpose in front of Gray and their friends. I knew what I was doing. I wasn’t a nice person back then.” Her spine was ramrod straight, as if she expected me to dump her off my lap at any minute and walk away. Instead, I tightened my arms around her.
“They seem to have forgiven you.”
She nodded grimly. “That’s what they said.”
“But you don’t believe them?” I was getting a clearer picture of how she thought.
“I want to,” she said in a small voice.
“You don’t forgive yourself.”
