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I held her hands, my back against the door, and made a vow to her. It felt sacred, binding. For a second I wondered if I should get down on a knee or something. But she stepped in closer to me, pulled her hands away to run them up my chest, beneath my jacket.
“I believe you,” she breathed, “but I think part of me already belongs to you, Darren. Not because we slept together, but because I knew I could call you and you’d come. I could trust you. You—damn, you look really good in that suit,” she broke off with a tense laugh. I gave a half smile, feeling amazing after that compliment.
“Thanks,” I said.
“You showing up, you promising to keep me safe. That means a lot to me. But I’m greedy, Darren. I want more.”
“How much more?” I cocked an eyebrow at her.
“All of you. Please.”
“I’m getting you out of here, Julie,” I protested. “I’m not comfortable with you staying here alone right now.”
“I’m not either. I guess I’ll take Kendall up on her constant offer to move in with her for a while.”
“She’s gone all night like every night. You’d still be by yourself, just in a building with better security. I’d like you to come home with me. There’s plenty of room in our brownstone. And at least one of us is there all the time.”
“I’d like that,” she said, and I was surprised it was so easy to convince her.
“Thank you,” I said. I knew she must have been terribly afraid to agree to give up her fierce independence even for a few days. I touched her face, tucked her hair behind her ear. I was gone for her, it was too late. I was past being in serious trouble.
“You know what would be a great way to thank me?” she asked, a mischievous curve to her smile.
“Packing your stuff in a bag and getting out of here?” I teased.
“Please, Darren,” she said, her hand on my chest. As if I could ever tell her no.
She was still in scrubs. I wrapped my hands around her waist and dragged her against me so she could feel the huge weight of my erection against her belly. Then I ran the backs of my knuckles along her neck, made her shiver. I followed the path of my hand with my mouth and she arched into me most gratifyingly. Julie clutched at my arm and held it. She trembled, letting herself give way to the spark of arousal I’d started in her. I had to be careful with her, make sure she was turned on. Because I was so worked up that I could have shoved into her and spent myself in three thrusts by then.
I dragged my mouth from hers. “Put your stuff in a bag, Julie,” I almost growled at her. She pushed away from me on shaking legs and started to pack. It was the responsible thing to do, I told myself. She needed to be safely in the Beckett brownstone more than I needed to hold her and make her body feel like her own again.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said.
20
JULIE
I should’ve resisted going home with Darren, moving in temporarily with Kendall’s brothers. I knew that. But I couldn’t bring myself to say no. I was frightened of Eric, I admit it. And being with people, especially those I cared about, felt right to me. I would feel safer with them and damn the consequences later. There would be hell to pay, probably, and a hell I knew I deserved. I’d slept with my best friend’s brother. I had kissed the other two. I had lain awake at night trying to convince myself I couldn’t agree to what Jeremy suggested. But there was this well of loneliness in me, of fear and need and something that felt like homelessness. Like I didn’t belong anywhere. That feeling got smaller when I was with the brothers. There was no rational argument against a sensation of closeness and safety that I wasn’t sure I had ever had before.
I called Kendall on the drive over and told her about Eric, about how I called Darren in a panic and planned to stay with her family. She was all for it, said something like what Darren had earlier—that she was gone all night and I needed someone with me. I parked outside the gorgeous brownstone and walked up the steps outside.
Darren unlocked the door. I found Kendall waiting along with Jeremy and Rory. There was a stack of pizza boxes on the counter, the smell of spicy, hot food enticing me. I hugged Kendall and we whispered for a few minutes about Eric as I piled my plate with slices of supreme and loaded some banana peppers on top from a Styrofoam container. Rory passed me a cold beer. I hadn’t even realized I was hungry, but when I bit into the first slice, the heat of the sauce and spices hit me and I felt ravenous. They were talking to me and around me, a happy, noisy sound. I kicked off my shoes under the table and gobbled my way through three slices and drank my beer. My head ached less, and a comfortable fullness and warmth settled over me. Kendall gave me a squeeze and said she had to go to a party but she’d call in the morning. I blew her a kiss.
