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“I’m working.”
“I can see that, but are you fine?”
“No, I’m not fine.” There is no point in lying. She will know if I am and push either way.
“Lucia, my sweet, innocent sister. You dodged a bullet with him. I never should have agreed for you to work with him. Everyone speaks highly of him, but they did mention that his social skills aren’t the best.”
“We all can’t be great at everything,” I blurt out in defense of Jase without thinking. It’s a knee-jerk reaction, I guess.
“You really like him.” Bianca’s face softens. This is new for all of us. I’d gone from being focused on school to putting my all into my career. I didn’t date. I never had the desire to. I thought I would someday. I’ve always known I want a family at some point. What kind of father would Jase make? Does he want kids? I bet it’s not a dream of his with how focused he is on his work.
“He’s different. I don’t know.” I shake my head. Jase makes me feel a lot of things that I’m not used to. It’s both exciting and overwhelming at times.
“Did you two have sex?”
“Bianca,” I hiss under my breath. I peek over my shoulder to see who’s around. No one is near us. “Not that it’s any of your business. But the answer is no. He kind of just went down on me.”
“Really?” She scrunches her nose. “He didn’t push for more?” I shake my head no. “Wait, are you saving it for marriage? Is that why—”
“No!” I cut her off. A few people glance our way. I would have given it up last night if I hadn’t passed out. Jase never gave me a chance to tell him I wanted more. He kept distracting me by devouring me.
Jase had been all about me last night. That’s not selfish or uncaring. If he thought I was an object, why would he want to give me so much pleasure and never ask for any in return? I didn’t even feed him. Real food at least. I bet he hasn’t eaten still. I bite the inside of my cheek. I want to go and make sure he’s taken care of. It’s clawing at me suddenly.
“I don’t understand. You’ve known the guy for all of two seconds, and he’s announcing he wants to marry you but can’t say he loves you.” That last part stings.
“I told him not to say it,” I admit. “Jase isn’t like us.”
“You don’t say,” Bianca says dryly. I grow quiet. “Fuck,” she mutters under her breath.
“Say it. You know you’re going to.”
“Okay, fine. Being different isn’t always bad. I don’t think the man is a total asshole. I just think he can’t give you what you need. You’re soft and sweet. He could pull you under because you’d want to take care of him. There is nothing wrong with being a nurturer. It’s your nature, but you need a protector. A person that will love and cherish you. Not treat you like an object. And not put his work above you. Both people have to offset the other. Bring something to the table.”
“He’s alone.” In fact, what he is might be worse than alone. He has his mom, but one second she can be there with him and the next gone. I can’t imagine how lonely that is.
“He is,” my sister agrees. “That’s part of the problem. He can’t pull you in because for a few hours a day he doesn’t want to be alone. It will eat you up. We both know it.”
“I don’t know.” I’m not sure that’s true. In fact, Jase keeps seeking me out. When he’s with me, I hold all of his attention. I’m not begging for it, but he might be.
“Well?”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” I cut my sister off. Her advice isn’t helping. In fact, it’s making me feel guilty. I wonder what Jase is thinking right now about what happened today.
“Just one more thing.” I glance up at her. “He walked out of here too easily. See if he comes back. See if he fights for you.” With that, my sister leaves. Her heels click loudly as she goes.
I want Jase to fight for me, but what if he needs someone to fight for him?
CHAPTER 17
JASE
The lab feels extra quiet after the scene at Lucia’s. Her family is something. Loud, annoying, loving. I want to be part of it. Being in her family’s presence is the opposite of everything I’ve known, but before I can do that, I have to figure out what love is.
There’s no chemical compound or DNA sequence that explains it. Love is determined through observation. What habits and characteristics are defined by people in love, by people who love?
I love my mother. I want her to live in comfort and die in peace. I want her body to be well and her mind to be whole, but to be honest, I want that for most people. I wouldn’t enjoy it if Calvin had early onset of dementia, and I would likely pay a good amount of money to see that he had adequate care, but I do not love him.
