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And when he suggested we get rid of my hand-drive car because we could commute to work together since we worked in the same building—well that was really the financially responsible thing to do, wasn’t it? Everyone in my department at work thought it was so romantic how he came in at the end of every day to help carry my bag.
I never heard the end of how lucky I was to have a man like Drew—only once had a coworker slipped and said out loud what I always suspected they all thought, while staring at Drew’s taut ass as he walked out after dropping me off one morning: “You must feel so lucky. You know, especially considering…” Her words trailed off as her eyes dropped to my legs. It had been a bad week, and I was in my wheelchair that day.
I was too stunned and hurt to say anything in the moment, only thinking up a million cutting comebacks hours later when I was crying in the bathtub.
But it did make me more determined than ever to be useful, even as Drew made that more and more impossible with his constant helpfulness and determination to make life easier for me, always with a logic I couldn’t deny.
Yes, he was right, it was really stressful, I supposed, to work all day, then try to make it to book club on Tuesday nights. And my body was always so extra tired after craft circle with my friends on Saturdays, which made me especially cranky. Which I did, undeniably, tend to take out on Drew, and he didn’t deserve that. He was so good to me, after all.
So little by little, my world got safer and safer.
Smaller and smaller.
But small was cozy when you were with the love of your life… right?
So how could you just up and leave him like that? Not even a word of goodbye—just a note? If it was such true love?
He was such a good man.
He gave and gave.
I was selfish. It was so obvious to everyone that looked at us that I didn’t deserve him. Even those who didn’t come out and say it. I saw it in their eyes. The thing was… sometimes on the bad days, I was terrified I saw it in Drew’s eyes, too.
But why would he be with me if he thought that? So I told myself it was my own insecurity. I told myself not to sabotage a perfectly good relationship. No, a great relationship. The love of my life!
I sigh, a hand on my belly.
It seems so useless now—those silly old dramas I wasted so much time torturing myself because they seemed so dreadfully important at the time. Considering my present circumstances, though, it all seems quite foolish. Like someone else’s life, or a dream.
Then I look out the castle window. Okay, so maybe it’s more like this feels like the dream. Except that I feel like I’ve been more of the real me since I’ve been here, and it has nothing to do with my health or my outer body.
Then again, all dreams feel real when you’re in them.
I slap myself hard across the face.
“Ow!” I blink away the sting. Then look around again. Still in a castle. Well. It was worth a try.
Then I stand up, straighten, and exhale. As much as I might want to hide away here forever, I have a feeling Abaddon will eventually come hunting me down.
Plus, this new, real version of me isn’t in the mood to hide or avoid my life anymore. Ever since the day I decided to take my life by the horns… well I guess I’m ready to see where this ride takes me. Again I bring my hand to my belly. Especially since if this is all real, and there really is a baby growing inside me now, I don’t see what other option there is anyway.
So I stride first for the bathroom, to shake out one of the old aprons I washed in the bathwater after bathing myself. It’s a little crackly with ice, and I’m not sure it’s exactly dry, but I put it on over my head anyway.
It should feel freezing—I should be shivering with my teeth chattering, considering the snow drifts I still see on the floor in the sides of the room—but it barely bothers me as I pull on the garment over my head. I frown. I swear, it’s like my internal temperature has changed from ninety-eight point six to… something much higher.
I turn and head for the door, disconcerted, but as I do, I notice something else that feels different. I pause and stretch my arms over my head. My back cracks. My eyes pop open because, all things considered, that’s usually a disastrous noise for me.
But I just feel looser, and as I extend my hands high, toward the ceiling, I realize—holy shit! Am I taller than I was yesterday? Because that’s when it hits—my back isn’t as humped over as it was. I’m standing up fully straight.
