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Then I looked up at JD. He was former military, as tough as they come, and an old-fashioned gentleman who couldn’t be bribed or bought. And since this thing started, the only times I’d felt truly safe were when I was with him.
“What about you?” I asked. “Would you protect us?”
15
JD
The answer was easy: no.
I was a soldier, not a damn bodyguard. True, I’d escorted some people in Afghanistan and Iraq, but they were government officials making quick trips to warzones, not someone trying to live their normal life in the middle of a city. I wasn’t like Kian, with his Secret Service background. And me, a dumb grunt from Texas, would fit into her world of Armani suits and corporate doubletalk like a bear at a tea party. Plus, this wasn’t just about guarding her: if the cops weren’t going to help us, we had to figure out who the killer was and I wasn’t a detective.
Most importantly, I couldn’t be close to her. Even now, I could feel myself being tugged towards her, my whole body aching with the need to have her pressed against me again. It wasn’t just those big gray eyes and those soft lips. It was the warmth I could feel when we were together, the closeness.
A fresh wave of guilt washed through me. Nothing could ever happen between Lorna and me: it wouldn’t be right. And being close to her, feeling that pull and the pain and guilt it caused, would be unbearable.
But when I thought about her and Cody being guarded by a stranger, my stomach knotted. I just didn’t trust anyone else to keep them safe.
I knew that was a bad sign. It meant I was already too close to them. I can’t do this.
Then I looked down into those pale gray eyes. She was scared. Alone.
I couldn’t walk away, either.
I drew in a shuddering breath…and nodded. “Okay.”
16
JD
I walked Lorna back to the wake and we agreed to meet up at her place in a few hours. I figured she was safe enough in a room full of friends and family and there were a couple of things I had to take care of.
First, I had to go shopping. I’d only come for the day so I had the black suit I was wearing and literally nothing else, not even a toothbrush. I bought some jeans and a shirt and changed into them, and stuffed my soaking suit into a bag. After filling out a lot of forms, pleading my case to the NYPD and getting Agent Callahan to vouch for me, I managed to swing a local firearms license and half an hour after that, I had a handgun and a shoulder holster. I sighed in relief, feeling a little less naked.
The sun was sinking between the skyscrapers as I threaded my way through the crowded sidewalks towards Lorna’s place. I called Kian. “Uh…l’m gonna need some time off.”
“JD, what’s going on?” Kian asked. “What are you doing in New York? Why did you want Callahan’s number?” He must have realized he sounded a little terse because I heard the rasp of him rubbing his stubble and he said, “Sorry, I’m just…”
Worried. He was worried about me and that made my stomach twist with guilt. “I’m fine,” I lied. I looked up as I crossed a crosswalk and got a glimpse of the McBride Building peeking out between two high-rises. Already, it looked enormous. “I’m just helping someone out,” I told Kian, which was at least sort of true.
Kian gave a little sigh that I could tell meant I don’t believe you. “Of course you can take some time off. We’re just training anyway and I can fill in for you. It’ll be good for me to get out from behind a desk. Take as long as you need. But JD, call us if you need any help.”
“Thanks, I will.” Another lie. I quickly ended the call. Then I hesitated, the phone still in my hand. Kian knew more about being a bodyguard than anyone. He’d guarded the President’s daughter, for God’s sake. Should I have asked for help?
No. It wouldn’t be right to drag the team into something personal. But deep down, I knew that wasn’t the real reason. If the team showed up, one of them—probably Gabriel, with his knack for reading people—would soon figure out I had feelings for Lorna, and that wasn’t something I wanted to admit. Even to myself.
I scowled. It didn’t matter that I had feelings. I was going to protect her, just until I knew she was safe, and that was it. I wouldn’t slip, like at the marina. I’d keep her at arm’s length. I’d be gruff.
As I moved through the streets, the McBride Building kept appearing and disappearing. Each time I saw it, it was bigger. Then it went out of view for almost a whole block, until I rounded a corner and—
