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I quietly retreated before they saw me. I knew it wouldn’t be a magic solution, because there were no magic solutions for what those two had gone through: Cal, killing for the CIA, and Bradan killing for the cult. But maybe it would be a start.
Everyone was doing their jobs and I felt better already for having the team there. But now I had to do what I’d been putting off all day.
When Lorna finished work, I took her into my bedroom, where we could be alone. It was worse than I’d been expecting. She wouldn’t even look at me, just glared at the floor. Aw crap.
I’d rehearsed what I was going to say about a million times but now it came to it, none of the words sounded right. I wound up just blurting out what I felt. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
She nodded. Then glanced up and met my eyes for a second to see if she could go, now. Her eyes were starting to swim with tears and I felt my heart breaking. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and pull her into a hug, and maybe kill the bastard who’d upset her. But the bastard was me and hugging her would only make this harder. I sighed. “You know this place. What’s the room with the thickest walls, and no windows?”
“Why?” she asked, struggling to control her voice.
“I want you to have a safe room to go to, just in case.”
Her head jerked up again and this time, she was panicked. “You think someone could get in here?” The penthouse had always been a sanctuary, the one place we knew was safe.
I put my hands on her shoulders to calm her—and just that touch of her body was enough to melt me. Dammit. “No. We’ll make sure that never happens. But just in case.” I squeezed her shoulders and Lorna gave a little intake of breath. Everything stopped.
I needed this woman in my life.
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t replace Jillian and Max, couldn’t push them away into the darkness. I forced myself to let go of Lorna’s shoulders. She slumped a little in pain and my chest ached.
She turned and walked out of the room and I followed her. She led me through her bedroom and God, the bed, the bed was still rumpled where we’d slept. She stalked past it, not looking, and showed me into her bathroom, tidy and feminine, with big fluffy white towels and the scent of her shampoo in the air.
“Here,” she said, still avoiding my eyes.
“Okay,” I told her. “Anything ever goes wrong, you grab Cody and Paige and you run in here and lock the door. Don’t come out until I come for you. Okay?”
She nodded. “Anything else?” I could hear her fighting for control again.
I felt like something that had crawled out of a drain. “No,” I said at last.
She showed me out of her bedroom and closed the door behind me. I leaned back against the door and ran a hand over my face. An instant later, I felt the door shift just a little, and realized she’d done the same, on the other side. We were back to back, with just the slab of wood between us.
I heard her start to cry. I rocked my head back against the door and stared at the ceiling. Fuck. I put my palm flat against the door, wishing I could touch her. I’m sorry.
37
LORNA
The next morning was good-natured pandemonium.
JD had set up shifts so that only he had to be at the penthouse full time and the others rotated. But the shift change happened at eight, so right in the middle of the morning school and work rush, we had a whole team of big military guys—plus Gina and Erin—yawning and stretching after a long night awake or laughing and joking as they arrived for their shift. “Donuts are here,” I yelled above the bustle. I’d ordered two dozen, plus eight coffees, because our coffee machine couldn’t keep up with so many people. I put the donuts down in the kitchen and before I’d even lifted the lid, Colton had appeared, his nose twitching.
“Cody, do you have your bag?” I called. “Danny’s going to drive you.”
“Yup.” Cody was playing with Rufus. He’d throw a bouncy red ball down the hallway and Rufus would race off, woofing and barging his way past people and finally leaping to grab it, then trot back to Cody and deposit the ball at his feet: again, again! Cody had never been around a dog before and he was besotted.
I dodged around them and walked through to the living room, where Marcus, the tailor, was measuring the team for suits so they’d fit in a little better around the office and at events. “Better order an extra roll of fabric,” he muttered to his assistant as he looked up at Cal.
