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“Has he always been this difficult?”
Grant nodded. “Mostly. It’s been worse since we left the marines, though.”
“I’m guessing you aren’t going to tell me what happened.”
“None of us know what happened. He was alone that day. He shouldn’t have been.”
“You care about him,” Blade said.
“I do.” I couldn’t believe I was saying those words out loud. How were we going to deal with our feelings when the situation was over? I had no idea, but I knew I had to push that from my mind and focus on how to help Fox right now.
“I’m going to do everything I can to protect him, but I’d appreciate knowing anything that might help me understand him better.”
Blade looked me up and down. “You’re not at all what I expected from his description. I mean, you’re hot, and I expected that, but he said you were an uptight bastard who thought he was better than everybody else.”
“That’s accurate. It’s just that most of you also think you’re better than everybody, so you’re used to it.”
TJ and Rogue laughed, and the rest of them were trying not to.
“He asked me to go with him that day,” Blade said. “To be his backup, but we already had different orders.”
Everything went dead silent as Blade spoke. It was like the rest of them were holding their breaths. I knew Blade had been captured and that Fox somehow blamed himself, but I didn’t know any of the details.
“If I’d gone with him, maybe things would be different, and if he’d come with me, maybe I wouldn’t have been taken or maybe we both would have been. We don’t know what those choices would have meant. It took me a long time to get back to feeling even a little like my old self. Fox has been pretending he’s fine for a long time.”
“I want to help him anyway I can, not just with these men who are after him. I want him to… be happy.”
Blade nodded. “Seeing you together, I think you might be the only one of us who can do that.”
“I think he’s right,” Grant said. “Go up there and do something about him before he drives the rest of us insane.”
“He means go fuck him,” Rogue said.
Ghost slapped Rogue’s arm. “I’ll just apologize for him.”
I laughed. “It’s fine actually. I haven’t laughed this much in a long time.”
“See?” Rogue grinned at Grant. “We’re good for him.
“Jesus, this place is a lunatic asylum,” Grant grumbled. He headed for the stairs, and I followed him.
I didn’t bother knocking on Fox’s door. If he could walk right into my room, I could do the same with him.
Fox was sitting on the end of the bed with his head in his hands. He glanced my way when I opened the door, then returned to the same position. I sat beside him and placed a hand on his back, caressing him gently.
“What if he’d shot you?” Fox asked.
Then I would’ve been shot, and you would’ve taken the asshole out and gotten help for me.”
“What if he’d…”
“Fox, we were both in danger. We both live in a constant state of danger. That’s not likely to change.”
“It’s just so hard, caring for people who—” He stopped, and his eyes widened.
“I care about you too,” I said. “Do you want to talk?”
“Yes, but no.”
“Do you think Grant’s right, that talking about it might help.”
“I don’t know. I don’t even know if I can tell the story.”
“Why don’t you try. I’ll just listen.”
“You’re going to just listen and not make any comments?”
“I’m capable of that.”
“Are you sure?”
“Mostly.”
Fox rolled his eyes.
“I’m going to do my best. Try me. You can’t tell me any of the other men here could do any better.”
23
FOX
I shook my head. “I doubt they could.” Especially not Grant. Blade, possibly, but he was the last person I’d be able to confess this to.
Was I really going to do this? Maybe it would be easier to talk to Darren instead of one of the guys who had been there. Dare didn’t have the weight of the whole history on his shoulders.
“This would be easier with a drink or several, but I need to stay alert.”
“I can be alert for you.”
Could I let him take that on. “I’m not—”
“There’s a whole house full of very capable men here, and they all want to help you. If you need to be drunk to talk, then I’m going to get you good and damn drunk.”
Darren reached out his hand. I clasped it and let him pull me off the bed. “Where are we going?”
“Downstairs.”
“I don’t want to talk to anyone.”
“I’ll do the talking.”
Everyone was still in the kitchen, standing around the island, probably talking about how crazy I’d gotten.
“Fox and I need to get drunk, really fucking drunk, so we can have a talk about shit neither of us want to say.”
