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On those last words, I heard not just anger but fear in his voice. We’d been through a hell of a lot, and Grant had always been the best friend and commander anyone could ask for. I… had not done as well by him, not for the last few years anyway. The shit that went down before we all left the service had fucked me over, and I’d dealt with it by going deep undercover for X. I was rarely available, and even when I was, I didn’t do a good job of communicating.
“I’m sorry. I should’ve called.”
“Damn right you should have. Now tell me what the hell is going on.”
“What do you know about it?”
“X sent you on some mission, and you had to leave right away.”
“Exactly. That’s why I didn’t call.”
“And there’s not been one single chance to call me since? Not, for example, while you were waiting at the airport?”
“Jesus, you always were the team mom.”
“That’s what growing up with twin little brothers, then having a bunch of yahoos like you under my command will do to a person.”
I laughed. “I guess it would. I’m basically on a bodyguard job.”
“What the hell? X has plenty of men he could send on a mission like that.”
“Not this one. It’s personal. A friend of the family.”
“Still, there have to be men he’d trust. Does he really need a man with your particular skill set?”
“Apparently, he thinks he does, or at least he wants to make sure he’s got all his avenues covered. There’s some serious shit that’s gone down.”
“There must be. How long do you expect to be on this detail?”
“A week or so.”
“And then?”
“I love you, bro, but I don’t want to work at a ranch.”
Grant sighed. “Fine, but I’d like to know you’re somewhere doing something that makes you happy.”
“How do you know I’m not doing that now?”
“Are you telling me you are? Because if you can convince me, I’ll accept it.”
He knew I couldn’t. Occasionally, I could convince myself, but there was no way in hell Grant was going to believe me. The thing was, I had no idea what would make me happy. Watching my best friend, Blade, fall for Carlo Marchesi had made me rethink everything, but there was no way in hell I was cut out for domestic bliss.
And you think Blade was?
No, but something happened to him when he met Carlo.
And you don’t think something could happen to you?
I pushed those thoughts away and tried to focus on my conversation with Grant.
“Hell no, this job isn’t making me happy, but maybe taking a few weeks off after I’m done will.”
“Are you going to come visit?”
I considered the offer. I cared for Grant, his brother Rhys—and now that I’d met him—I also adored his brother Rogue, but they were all happy with partners and work they loved. I wasn’t sure I could handle that right now. “Maybe.”
“I know you. That means no.”
“I think I need some time to myself.”
“Are you sure? Because I’m afraid that’s exactly what you don’t need. Or at least you don’t need to keep running.”
“I’m not running.” There was no way in hell I was going to convince Grant of that. He knew it wasn’t true, and so did I. “I’ll think about it.”
“Do that. The guy you’re watching, what’s he like?”
“It’s Darren Fontaine.” I wasn’t cleared to tell Grant that, but I knew he could keep a secret, and X trusted him as much as he trusted me. “So he’s like usual. Cold as ice. Prissy as hell.”
“Plenty of people would say he’s evil as shit.”
“Those are men who have done something wrong and earned his wrath.”
“So you’re saying he’s as much on the good guys’ side as X?”
“Honestly, I’m having a hard time getting a read on that.”
Grant hummed. “That’s interesting.”
“It’s rare, but sometimes I have to study people for a while.”
“Of course you do, but you don’t always admit it. You like to make snap judgments, and you’ve not done that here. That makes me curious.”
I shrugged, even though he couldn’t see me. “Darren is complex.”
“That’s even more interesting.”
I didn’t need him pushing this any further. “Get back to your boyfriend.”
“Oh, he’s right here.”
“Hello, Fox,” Jacob called.
“Tell him I said hi. I’ve got to go. Duty calls.”
“Hey, stay safe.”
“Always.”
As I ended the call, I felt guilty about telling Grant I had to go, but it was hard to see my friends thriving when they’d gone through all the same shit I’d gone through, yet there I was, still a big fucking mess.
Sure, I’d handled some important jobs, and I was still contributing to keeping people safe—probably more so than in the marines—but was I happy? I had no idea in hell what would make me happy. I sat there brooding for several moments before my stomach growled and I reached for a room service menu. There were no prices on it, but what difference did that make? Darren could afford it, or he wouldn’t be staying here.
