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“Alek, calm down.”
It’s only then I hear the heart monitor beeping like crazy.
I lock eyes with my best friend, but his face blurs with all the memories of Everleigh and me locked in a dark room.
Again, the image of her dying shudders through me.
In a single day, I lost Vincent and Everleigh.
I would’ve survived losing my brother, but not Everleigh as well.
I’m bombarded with scenes of torture. The starvation. The endless hours we spent in the darkness and cold.
It feels like that’s all there ever was – just Everleigh and me and that dark room. There’s no before and no after.
Misha’s hands frame my face, and he pleads, “Alek, please, calm down.”
My breathing is so fast, I don’t get enough air, and hyperventilating, I return to the darkness, but this time Everleigh isn’t there with me.
The next time I wake up, I’m sluggish and drained of all my strength.
My mind is woozy, as if I’ve had too much to drink.
It’s hard to focus on anything, and when I let out a groan, I hear movement.
Mama comes into view, and again, I’m shocked by how old she looks.
“Mama,” I manage to mumble.
Slowly she sits down in a chair, and picking up my hand, she grips it between both of hers.
“Zaika.” She calls me the equivalent of baby or darling in Russian. Mama rambles a prayer, thanking God I’m awake, then tears start to stream down her face.
“Mama,” I manage again. “What happened?”
She forces a smile to her face while shaking her head. “You’re here. It is all that matters.” Her voice breaks, and devastating heartbreak tightens her features, then she whispers, “I still have you.”
The memories of the past months are delayed, but slowly they start to trickle through my mind.
Because of whatever medication they’ve given me, I’m forced to feel crushing blow after blow.
I’m forced to feel.
I remember the beating, the whipping, the knife through my hand.
I remember the starvation and hunger pains.
I remember the muscle cramps, my body withering away from lack of movement.
I remember watching Everleigh fade away before my eyes.
The darkness.
The endless fucking darkness.
I close my eyes against the bright light in the room.
And I keep remembering.
