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A lump the size of Kentucky forms in my throat.
“Maybe,” I whisper.
The truth is, Caleb’snevergiven me any reason to doubt his feelings for me. He’s proven how much he loves me over and over again ever since I agreed to give us a chance.
It doesn’t change the fact our lives are wildly incompatible.
Unless one of us makes some major sacrifices, that’s not going to change anytime soon.
I’m the obvious option between us; Caleb is at Clarkson on a full athletic scholarship. And he’s a big deal in the baseball world. But I’m not sure how I can justify choosing a boy over my only living family and the farm that’s been in my family for generations.
“I wouldn’t be pushing it if I thought you really didn’t want to go, Lennie. But I think you do want to, and I don’t want to be your excuse. Nothing would make me happier than seeing you spread your wings.”
“I’ll think about it,” I promise. And I mean it. I’ve thought of little else since the paper Gramps is still holding arrived in the mail a week ago.
“And tell Caleb,” Gramps advises.
“You just want to be able to gang up on me with him,” I accuse. Most of the time, I love that Gramps thinks the world of Caleb. Not so much when the two of them join forces against me.
Gramps grins, not denying it. “Well, he managed to get you to apply, and that’s more than I’ve been able to do.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m headed back to the barn.”
“I’m proud of you, Lennie,” he tells me, and the love overflowing in his voice makes tears prick my eyes. “No matter what you decide, I’m always proud of you.”
“Thanks, Gramps,” I manage.
“What time are you leaving tonight?”
“Cassie’s picking me up at six.”
“All right. I’m heading over to Mike’s shortly. Mary will probably convince me to stay for dinner, so I doubt I’ll be back before you leave.”
“Okay.” I’m worried about leaving Gramps on his own for the next two-and-a-half days, but after the conversation we just had, I know better than to raise my concerns right now. The knowledge he’ll have company tonight is somewhat reassuring. “Have fun at Mike’s.”
I close the distance between us to give him a hug. The familiar scent of leather and tobacco surrounds me, and I inhale deeply. Gramps gave up his evening pipe years ago, but the clove smell still permeates most of his clothing. Probably because he hasn’t added any new clothes to his wardrobe in just as many years.
“Have fun at the lake. But not too much fun, all right? I’m too young to be a great-grandfather.”
“Leaving now!” I announce, making a show of covering my ears before I turn back in the direction of the barn. It was embarrassing enough when Gramps would make those sorts of comments when Caleb and I first started dating. It’s even more mortifying now that I have a sex life to speak of.
Gramps’s deep laugh follows me back to the barn. Gallie is tossing his head impatiently, clearly unhappy about the prolonged time in the cross-ties. I pat his smooth neck before running my left hand down to his rump and continuing to groom him from where I left off.
I’m picking his hooves when I hear the old farm truck start, sparking to life with a loud roar that gradually quiets to a rumble. Gramps honks twice as he passes the barn. I wave, watching the dust raised drift off toward the training track and then disappear into nothingness.
The clock hanging in the tack room reads 5:20 by the time I’m finished in the barn. I speed walk back to the house, shower, and then stand dripping in the center of my room, surveying my limited outfit options.
I’m confident Cassie is not going to drive me to Colt Adams’s twenty-first birthday party wearing my standard uniform of jeans and a T-shirt. I survey my three dresses, two of which she let me borrow last summer and refused to let me return. I settle on the most casual of the three: a blue cotton one with thin straps that reveal the new freckles dotting my shoulders. It’s been too hot to bother with sleeves lately.
Gramps left the letter from Clarkson on my bed. I study it for a few minutes before tucking it inside a book on my bedside table.
I pull my old duffel bag out from underneath my twin bed once I’m dressed, tossing most of my wardrobe inside. Caleb is returning tonight from baseball camp in Georgia. He’s only back home for five days before heading to Clarkson for yet another baseball camp that will lead into the start of senior year.
After Colt’s birthday party tonight, we’re going to Colt’s family’s cabin for two nights. Ironically, it’s on the same lake we traveled to for the senior trip in high school.
This is the first time I’m returning to it since that disaster of a weekend. I’m just as apprehensive about leaving Gramps now as I was then, but he assured me he could handle it.
Cassie’s voice echoes through the house just as I’m zipping up my bag.
