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“I’m sorry about earlier,” I tell him. “I was just trying to make things easier.”
“Easier for who?” Caleb shoots back.
“Forbothof us. I shouldn’t have assumed anything, but I just figured you were thinking the same way I was.”
“And how’s that?”
“That we’re on two different roads, and they’re about to get a lot farther apart. Making more of this will just complicate everything else…and it’ll end the same way anyway.”
Caleb grasps the back of his neck with one hand, looking down so I can’t see his expression. When he glances at me again, the shadows still block most of it. But what I can see appears resigned. “You know, I always planned to go to Oakmont.”
“Oakmont? That’s in California, right?”
He nods. “Yeah. Get the hell away from my parents, decent weather, girls in bikinis everywhere…”
I flinch. “Did you not get in?” I ask. My tone is snide, and it has everything to do with the jealousy coursing through me.
“They offered me a full ride and a starting spot, actually. I should have accepted on signing day back in February.”
“So why didn’t you?”
“That’s a damn good question.” That’s all he says. But if I squint at the subtext—the tightening around his mouth and the way his hands are clenched—I’m worried his lack of an answer says a lot.
“Look, Caleb. It’s not just the money or the farm. Gramps is forgetful. I don’t know if it’s just…age, or something else. And—whatever it is—I can’t leave him alone. He took care of me after my mom…and then my dad…now it’s my turn. Maybe that’s part of why I never tried to change anyone’s mind about me. I knew it would be harder, when they left and I was still here.” I swallow. “Maybe that’s why I never let myself consider this”—I gesture between us—“because I knew you would be the hardest to see leave.”
Caleb rakes a hand through his short hair. The strands are barely long enough to make the effort worthwhile. “What the hell am I supposed to say to that, Lennon?”
“You don’t have to say anything,” I tell him. “I just wanted to…explain.” Caleb doesn’t say anything. “We can still, uh, you’ll be around all summer, right?” I don’t even know what I’m offering, or trying to say, but I’m suddenly aware my feelings for Caleb are far from superficial.
“I’m spending the summer in Georgia,” Caleb states. “At a baseball camp there. I leave the day after graduation.”
I should congratulate him, but instead I accuse. “You didn’t tell me.”
“I just found out I got in. Why do you even care?”
I glare at him. “You—”
“Matthews! Winters!” Mr. Tanner’s deep baritone pierces the night air like a bullhorn. “Time’s up!”
In more ways than one, I guess.
I turn to head back for the cabins, but a hand grabs my forearm before I can take a single step. “We’ll be right there, Mr. Tanner,” Caleb calls back.
There’s barely any light that’s crept all the way to the perimeter of the campground, but there’s just enough for me to see the jaw muscle that kept me from actually kissing Jake pulsate a couple of times. His thumb traces a circle on the inside of my wrist, sending shivers through my whole body.
“You know I’m in love with you, right?” Caleb asks me.
There are some moments in life when you have a premonition something epochal is about to happen. You can prepare for it. Maybe savor it. Take note of all those subtle details your brain might otherwise skip past like the grooves on a scratched record.
This isnotone of those moments.
I’m stunned.
Flabbergasted.
Nonplussed.
I freeze the second he says the words, but I don’t let them sink in. Ican’tlet them.
