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I purposefully lost track of him earlier, but it’s not hard to find him now. A usual crowd is nearby, hovering around the popular crowd like bees buzzing around honey.
Cassie follows my gaze, and hers turns knowing.
I don’t enjoy being the center of attention. And I hate being the center of attention when I’m doing something that could completely backfire.
As I approach Caleb, people are already staring. If it involves Caleb, it attracts attention. And between his dare at the lake and our dance at prom, I’m sure there’s some gossip about us.
But this isn’t about anyone else. Over and over again, Caleb has put himself out there. In response, I’ve mostly been too shocked to really react.
I want him to know those moments mattered to me, though. Thathematters to me. Since words seem to fail me around him, I’m relying on actions.
He sees me coming. He’s wearing a baseball cap, with the brim pulled low, and it shields most of his face. But I note how his shoulders tense when I push past Colt and enter their little circle. Probably a bad sign.
His voice is wary when he speaks, expecting I intend to stop and exchange syllables.
“Lenn—”
I don’t give him a chance to finish saying my name.
I knock his cap upwards, and then I kiss him.Reallykiss him. The way I would if we were alone, rather than surrounded by a crowd. The way he kissed me next to the campfire. And I pour everything I am into it. My hopes. My fears. My dreams.
Because somehow, when I wasn’t paying attention, while I didn’t know to stop it, Caleb Winters became all those things to me. Someone I hoped to see. Became afraid to lose. Dreamed about. He mixed with everything else that makes me Lennon Matthews, and is now so knotted with the rest of me I don’t know how to untangle him.
I savor the soft friction of his lips against mine until I can’t anymore.
Until the pleasure turns to pain.
Until I start to worry I might do something even stupider than kiss him. Like beg him to stay.
I pull away and look up into those hauntingly blue eyes, filled with heat and confusion.
“Don’t get lost,” I whisper, before I turn to walk away.
He grabs my arm before I take a step, spinning me back around to face him. Thankfully, he doesn’t look mad about the kiss. “I’m coming back, Lennon. This isn’t goodbye.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Caleb.”
“I’m not.” Fierceness fills his expression. “I mean it.”
I nod once, but I don’t let myself believe it. “Goodbye, Winters.”
He knows I don’t believe him. It’s obvious in the long, frustrated breath he blows out before he nods back. “See you, Matthews.”
Cassie doesn’t say much on the drive home. We’re both tired after a long, draining day, and she knows me well enough by now to get that if I wanted to discuss what happened with Caleb, I would bring it up myself.
She parks in front of the farmhouse, and I’m surprised to see the porch light is on. Even more surprising, Gramps is sitting in one of the rocking chairs. He’s usually asleep before me, which makes this about six hours past his usual bedtime. It’s almost three.
I say goodbye to Cassie and climb out of the SUV, back into the humid night.
“You’re up late, old man,” I tease, climbing the rickety front steps and leaning against the porch baluster.
“You’re out late, young lady,” Gramps shoots back with a wink.
“Yeah… I guess so.” I scuff the toe of my sneaker along some of the peeling paint coating the floorboards. “Had more people to say goodbye to than I realized.”
More like it took me four hours to muster the courage to say goodbye to one.
“Ah,” Gramps responds knowingly. He uses the arms of the old rocking chair to push himself upright, and then comes and stands next to me. The comforting weight of his arm settles across my shoulders. “People have a tendency to come back home, Lennie.”
