AllFreeNovel
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“You’re a great brother,” Nash said. He was closest in age to Jaime, but they’d never done the same things. His brother was into riding—horses, bulls, it didn’t matter. He loved ranch life. “You were always there for me.”
“Son, we live in the mountains,” his dad said. “We raise prize bulls and train horses. This is Calamity. We’ve got rapids and glaciers, high winds, and hail the size of baseballs. Do you think homebodies live here? We chose this place to raise our family and thank God we did because you had a hell of a good childhood. And I know what happened with Booker gave you a scare, but Jesus, son, let it go already. It’s done. Everyone’s moved on.”
“Broken bones come back stronger, and stitches give you character. It’s nature’s design.” His mom reached for his hand. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect just as you are.” And then she pointed her fork at him. “And so is Kinny.”
Everyone’s moved on except me.
And that meant Gracie would, too.
He couldn’t live with that. He didn’t have time to get his shit together, not with the risk of losing her. “Hey, can Kinny spend the night?” He threw his napkin on the table and got up.
“Of course.”
“Thanks for dinner, Mom.”
“Where you going?” his dad called.
But he was already out the door. It was only in the twilight race across the lawn, the soles of his boots crunching over the dirt road, and the bats swooping overhead, that the fog in his mind finally lifted.
And in the clearing, he saw Grace. How he’d neglected her. Cast her aside while he’d gone paralyzed. He could accept he had more healing to do. He could accept he was a work-in-progress.
But he couldn’t shut her out.
He needed to see her. Fall to his knees and apologize.
And ask for her help.If it ever happens again, please shake me. Remind me we’re in this together.Because he needed her. Couldn’t live without the sunlight she poured into his dark spaces.
When he made it to her porch, a chill gripped the back of his neck. There was an emptiness that didn’t feel right. The energy felt different.
Something’s wrong.
Somehow, he knew not to knock. He turned the knob and walked right in. In the shadowy darkness, it hit him. He didn’t even need to turn on the lights.
She’s gone.
Fear seized him, held his entire body captive.
The festival’s over.
She must’ve given her food truck back.
Over the last two days, he’d been as cold and emotionless as a boulder. He’d given her nothing but excuses.
He dropped to his knees. Weighted by the unbearable sense of loss, by the unsustainable fatigue of carrying guilt, shame, and anxiety, he let it all crash over him. Just gave it free rein.
He stopped fighting. Stopped trying to control his emotions and just surrendered.
Of course, he’d lost her. And not because he didn’t deserve her, but because he’d let her go. He’d let the most beautiful, passionate, creative, kind, giving, loving, intelligent, generous person he’d ever known go. There was no one like Gracie.
And he’d let her fucking go.
Because I can’t get out of my own head.
Ichooseto carry this burden. I walk through life with it on my back.
She doesn’t need my shit.
Kinny doesn’t need my shit.
