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“Actually, I called them. I got lucky because the manager happened to answer the phone.” She glanced down. It hurt to think of every other milestone he’d miss. He wouldn’t be there for the opening of her bakery. “It sucks. It really does.” He seemed so integral to her dream coming true. She looked him right in the eye. “I love you.”
Hope burst to life, brightening his features.
And it sucked that she had to quash it. “You’re an amazing man, and I’d wanted a future with you and Kinny, but it’s not going to happen. You’re just not ready, Jaime.”
“Ready for what?”
“To give me the kind of love I deserve. The past owns you, which means you’re not free to have a future with me.”
“I am.” His tone was so emphatic, it startled her. “I talked to Booker’s mom the other day, and I get it now. Punishing myself doesn’t make his life better. The only thing I can do to make up for what I did that night is be a better man every single day of my life. Which I’m already doing.”
Um, what did he say? Could he really be having his breakthrough?
“And it made me think about what you said. What if the situation had been reversed and I’d been the one who couldn’t play hockey, who’d had to endure a year of physical therapy? I’d be pissed. I’d be frustrated. But…it would have nothing to do with Booker. If anything, I’d blame myself because it’s what we did together. There was nothing new. Sure, the timing sucked, and I shouldn’t have done it that night, but I wouldn’t be blaming Booker. That’s just not where my head would be. And really, if you think about it, the only thing I can do about it is make better decisions. So, that’s the grace I can give myself. To do better. Every day. And you know what makes me better?”
“Me?” She laughed.
“Yes. You. Us together. As a family.” He took a step closer. “I love you, Gracie. I love you so damn much that I can’t sleep without you. I can’t think. I can’t eat. I don’t want to do life without you. I’m sorry I shut down after Kinsley got hurt. I wish I’d reacted differently, but that was the first time in ten years I’d allowed myself to be happy. And it just felt so…decadent, and I was greedy for more and more. It doesn’t make sense, I know, but when my daughter wound up hurt, it felt like my punishment. Like I’d let myself be selfish again, and look what happened? But I get it now. I get it, and I’m sorry.” He reached for her hands. “I know you didn’t move here for me, but could I be one of the reasons you stay?”
“No.” She might’ve shoved him for the way he reared back.
“Okay.” He let her go. “Okay. You don’t trust me yet. I get that. What if we start over? Can I ask you on a date? All I want is the chance to prove I’ve changed. That I won’t hurt you again.”
“I’m glad you see things more clearly. I think that’s great. But what exactlyhaschanged?”
“What do you mean? I just told you.”
“You see things more clearly, but are you doing anything differently? Are you still living in that cabin? Is the Dream House still empty?” She hated to see this powerful, muscular man deflate. But he needed to understand why she couldn’t get back with him. “Are you still playing hockey inside abarn?”
“What’s wrong with that? I built that rink so I wouldn’t have to leave Kinny all the time.”
“You want everyone to have these great lives, but what about yours? You say you built that house for your parents, but they don’t want it. It’s yours, Jaime, and it’s sitting there empty. Everyone says you’re the best goalie they’ve seen, and yet you hide in a barn. You get one shot at this life, so you’d be a fool not to go for it. The only one stopping you from living your dreams is you. And as for me, I believe you love me. I do. But no matter what you say, you’re still living a life of penance. And in the end, that’s going to blow up all your relationships.”
* * *
Jaime stood with the GM and Declan behind the players’ bench. How ironic that their first exhibition game set them against the LA Cavalcade.
The expected pinch of regret he always got knowing Booker wasn’t playing for them didn’t hit this time. Talking to Ms. Hayes had melted the core of him that had frozen the night of the accident. Knowing she didn’t hate him, that Booker’s life had turned out well, had enabled him to catch up to the present.
A present that didn’t have Gracie in it. Right now, anyhow.
Because he would not accept losing her. They were each other’s person. He knew it. Had no doubt about it.
She may have jammed a knife into his chest and twisted when she rejected him, but she’d been right. Words didn’t mean shit. It was his actions that would prove he’d changed.
“Oh, fuck.” Declan was on the move.
“What happened?” Lost in his own thoughts, he’d missed the play. Now, he could see the team gathering around the net.
“Byron’s down.” The GM watched, his body tense.
This can’t be happening. “What’s our curse with goalies?” First, Ross had pulled a groin muscle during warm-ups, but now the new guy was hurt? Exhibition games were basically a way for teams to warm up and give coaches a chance to make roster decisions, so a minor injury wasn’t an issue.
But it definitely set expectations among the teams. And they wanted the Cavalcade running scared.
As the trainer hurried onto the ice, Byron remained on his knees, head lowered. “Shit. I hope he’s okay. What the hell are we going to do if he’s out?”
“Let’s wait and see,” Darren said.
