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“Says the guy who puts in more hours on the ice in a calendar year than a professional goalie.”
“Not even close.” His brow furrowed as he watched Kinsley wander away from the other kids to try some more daring moves. “Dammit.”
“What? What’s she doing?”
“Ever since she watched the Olympic figure skaters, she’s been dancing around. You should see her in the backyard. She holds her arms across her chest and tries to spin, or she’s racing across the yard with her arms wide open—” His jaw snapped shut as his features went hard. “That’s it.” He popped up.
“Jaime.” She grabbed the back of his shirt. “Don’t embarrass her.”
“She’s going to break her neck.”
“Seriously? That’s your starting point? TheER?”
He lowered his head and let out a huff of breath. “Fuck. You’re right. I know you’re right.”
“She’s going to fall. That’s a given. But it’ll teach her what to do and what to avoid.” Of course, she knew it wasn’t a boo-boo that scared him. It was the reel playing in the back of his mind, watching Booker hit the ground. “I remember when my brother got into an accident.”
“Enzo?”
She loved how he listened well enough to remember what she told him. “Yes.” She squeezed his hand. “He was in the passenger seat when he got T-boned. The truck hit maybe a foot away from where he was sitting. He says he saw it happening in slow motion, but the truck hit so hard, it dragged the Jeep all the way across the intersection.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah. It was so upsetting that he had a hard time sleeping at night. His grades fell. It was awful. My parents sent him to a therapist who said something that stuck with me. He said trauma can make it feel like you have a hundred problems. You can’t sleep, you can’t eat, you can’t concentrate…and each issue has a consequence. You get bad grades, make mistakes, lose friendships. So, it feels like your life is spinning out of control, and you have no idea where to start to fix things, when really there’s one issue. And how much more manageable is it to see that you’ve got one problem with many faces?”
“Did it help your brother?”
“It did. He didn’t have to fix ten problems. He just needed to deal with the accident and the trauma it caused. You’re a good man, Jaime. I don’t know what it will take to make peace with what happened that night, but you have to figure it out.”
“Everyone says I should talk to Booker.” Watching the ice, he hunched a shoulder. “It’s his life I fucked up.”
“The thing is…I’m not sure there’s anything he could say to relieve you of this guilt because no matter what, he didn’t get to play hockey. And that won’t change. So, you could look him in the eyes and apologize. You could let him have a go at you, tell you you’re a miserable son of a bitch who ruined his life…but will that set you free?”
“No.”
“If he says he’s happy as a clam, he’s found his true calling in life doing whatever he’s doing now—”
“He’s a sports agent.”
“Okay. If he says he loves being an agent, will that set you free?”
He let out an uncomfortable laugh. “I don’t think so.”
“So maybe the only forgiveness you need is your own. Maybe you need to let go of a choice you made when you were a teenager and trust the man you are today.”
When Kinny attempted to spin and landed hard on her ass, Jaime tensed.
She laughed. “In the meantime, maybe you shouldn’t watch her lessons.”
Kinny got up, rubbed her butt, and then skated off. She attempted some kind of crazy move—like she was trying to leap and then spin. Jaime’s fingers fisted, but the coach skated over and picked the little girl up off the ice. As he got her back on her blades, he knelt in front of her and had a conversation. Kinsley listened intently.
“Well, look at that.” She said it smugly, playing with him.
“Fuck it. You’re right. Let’s get out of here.” He stood, reaching for her hand. “Come on. I’ll walk you to your car.”
She could tell he was lost in thought, so they didn’t talk on their way out of the rink. Outside, the bright morning sun had her fishing around in her purse for sunglasses. “I love the air here. It’s so fresh and clean.”
“Think you can live without salt water and sailboats?”
