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I am lost. Again.
CHAPTER22
Sebastian
Her cornflower blue eyes undo me. I want her so badly I could scream. She’s guileless and vulnerable—unlike any woman I’ve known. Now I look back, it seems like all the women I dated before getting married had an agenda. They all wanted something from me. Nathalie destroys me with her innocence. She only has to look at me and I’m lost.
I’m playing with fire, but I can’t seem to stop myself. Even as I released my driver early from his shift, at the back of my mind, I knew it was because I wanted to surprise her at the centre. I don’t kid myself that I’d be racing to collect the previous nanny, and I know I’m wading into treacherous waters with Nathalie. It was me who said we should just be friends, so why at every opportunity do I look for a way to get closer to her?
The Cannes trip is on my mind. Grandfather’s right and I’ve got no choice but to go if I want to do my best for the hotel, but I don’t want to be there with Lizzy Archer. She seems great and if I just wanted to tick the boxes of a suitable Rochester wife, she would fit the bill perfectly. If only Lizzy and I wanted each other, this would all be straightforward. She messaged me earlier and I must get back to her.
Nathalie’s nursing her cup of tea and I can see she’s on edge. There’s a heavy silence between us and my thoughts flick back to when I almost fucked her in this very spot. What would have happened if Daisy hadn’t interrupted us then?
You know what would have happened, you numpty. You’d have been inside her in seconds—it was that close.
Would things be different between us now? She seems to have adjusted to the idea of us being friends and has stopped avoiding me, so I mustn’t mess it up again. Even as I think these sensible thoughts, I’m yearning to cross the line again now we’re alone. Knowing we’ve got the whole place to ourselves tonight is killing me.
A lock of damp golden hair has fallen into her eyes, and I look at her and feel a physical ache. I’m longing to hold her again. It’s been weeks since I tasted her sweetness and held her in my arms.
The air is charged, and I see by the searing look in her eyes that she feels it too.
‘What time is Daisy back tomorrow?’ she asks, clearing her throat and steering us back into familiar territory.
We always talk about Daisy when we get into choppy waters. She’s our safe ground—our ice breaker.
I tell her they will drop her off in the morning, and then the silence looms again, swirling around us and tormenting me. I look at her again and before I can stop myself reaching towards her, my fingers touch the lock of hair and move it gently away from her eyes.
Smiling at me shyly, she rests her cup on the counter and blushes slightly. I feel the effect she has on me, and it spirals through my lower body.
‘Thanks for the tea,’ she pauses, ‘and for collecting me tonight. I appreciate it.’
‘That’s what friends are for,’ I say, trying to sound casual and not let on that I’m desperate to crush her body against mine.
A shadow crosses her face, but she doesn’t object. It’s obvious she doesn’t like it when I say we’re friends. But surely that’s better than me referring to myself as her boss.
‘Well, I’d better get to bed. Got a busy day tomorrow, and it’s getting late,’ she murmurs, and slides off the stool, avoiding my eyes.
Looking at my watch, I say, ‘Yeah, me too. Good plan.’
All I can think about is taking her to bed. What would it be like to have the entire night with her, undisturbed?
We are alone, which is so rare that it seems a dreadful waste.
My cock’s straining against my crotch, imagining lying on the bed naked with her, licking her clit until she screams with pleasure. The memory of her moaning and begging for more when she was on the edge of exploding beneath my tongue and fingers taunts me.
I turn away and try to contain my heavy sigh as I place the empty cups in the sink. My heart’s hammering to a ragged beat and I’m tempted to tell her how much I want her. But when I turn to face her, she’s moved and is already by the kitchen door, about to slip upstairs to bed.
‘Night, then,’ she says, searching my face, a small, sad smile on her lips.
What is she thinking? Does she want me too or is she still upset about what happened at the centre?
‘Night, sleep well,’ I say, feeling like I want to howl with frustration.
How the fuck did I get myself into this ridiculous mess? The hottest woman I’ve ever met is not only living in my house, but she’s sleeping in a bed a few doors away from my bedroom. And I’m the fool who created a rule where I can’t touch her…
You’re really smart, Rochester. Fantastic job.
After she’s gone, I pour myself a small whisky and down it in a few large gulps as I gaze out at the starry, dark sky, lost in thoughts of Nathalie. After making sure the doors are all locked, I walk slowly upstairs, listening out for her movements. She must be in her room already. I imagine her sliding into bed between the sheets and laying her head on the pillow. Is she thinking about me too, or is it only me who’s obsessed?
