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She stands as if to leave the room.
‘I’d love to take her for a holiday by the sea at some point.’
‘I’m sure she would love it,’ Nathalie says.
‘And would you love it too?’
Her cheeks flush slightly beneath my stare.
‘Yes,’ she says. ‘I hope you have a successful trip to Cannes. Don’t worry about Daisy. I’ll go and cheer her up now.’
‘No, it’s okay. I’ll go,’ I say, rising. ‘She’s upset with me, so it’s only fair. Are you going out this evening?’
She shakes her head. ‘No, they don’t need me today.’
The thought of her staying at home pleases me.
If only I could tell her how much I love her.
CHAPTER29
Nathalie
Sebastian left for Cannes a couple of days ago and although I miss him, in some ways, it’s a relief.
I’m looking forward to spending long, lazy summer days with Daisy. There’s a heatwave, and with her off school, we’re having a lot of fun. We don’t need to rush about, and there’s plenty of time to swim, eat meals in the garden and play games. In the evenings, we curl up and watch a movie together on the big sofa. Now Sebastian is away, we’ve got the house to ourselves, and Mrs Johnson is the only staff member working every day and she makes sure we’re well fed. I’ve taken the week off from the centre while Sebastian is in France, and it feels like a mini holiday for me, even though this is supposedly work.
Luxury home, gorgeous child, housekeeper, stunning location, and everything we could ever need at our fingertips. Sebastian gave me a credit card to use for whatever we want, so I’m living the dream. There’s no money stress like when I was younger, and as I barely spend any of my salary, I’m saving most of it like I’d hoped I could.
Today we walked into town and then wandered down to the river and ate ice cream and played word games. The riverside comes alive in summer, with boats bobbing back and forth on the rippling water, and tourists and locals dining alfresco. There was a band playing today outside one restaurant and we watched them for a while. Daisy asked if she could put money in the hat. Luckily, I had some cash with me, and she was thrilled.
I’ve decided to take a break from dwelling on the awkward situation with Sebastian. We did what we did. It was great, but obviously he’s not into me in the same way I’m into him. I’m just going to have to get over him and move on.
My heart hurts if I think about our night together too much. It made it harder for me to be around him, so in the past few weeks, I’ve been taking any shift I can get at the centre, just to be out of the house at night, once Daisy’s in bed.
Her schedule is much more relaxed during the holidays, and she goes to bed late, so we are rarely alone. I couldn’t risk a repeat of that night, as I don’t trust myself not to let it happen again if he’s up for it. I dread to think what he makes of how easy I was, and my ridiculous suggestion of friends with benefits.
Sometimes I think I catch him looking at me like he’s pining for me too, but if he is, he’s doing a fabulous job of pretending things are normal and we didn’t sleep together.
For fuck’s sake.I roll my eyes.
Sebastian is so sexy when he swears. You can’t really swear when you’re a nanny, and he doesn’t when Daisy is around, but I roll the English swear words on my tongue, under my breath and think of him and smile.
Oops. Not supposed to be thinking of him, but here I go again. The more I try not to think of him, the more he pops into my head. Or maybe he just never pops out of my thoughts. It doesn’t help that Daisy looks like him. She has a lot of his expressions and mannerisms too, and it’s like a kick in the gut sometimes. Fortunately, she also has his good nature and is upbeat and easy to be around. Whichever lucky woman lands Sebastian and Daisy in her life will be blessed.
The thought of him remarrying and Daisy having a stepmother, cuts me like a sharp blade.
If only our situation were different and we were social equals, perhaps things would work out. But what can I do?
He acts like we didn’t have the most mind-blowing sex of my life. Maybe it was all quite routine for him. If he had made some allusion to our night together, I wouldn’t have closed myself off and fled to the centre at every opportunity, but the more he acted like nothing happened, the more wretched I felt, and the more I beat myself up for initiating sex with my boss.
What kind of nanny comes onto their boss?
I’m ashamed of my behaviour and am doing my best to be professional and fall out of love with him, but I’m not having any success. He still appears in my dreams every night, and I wake up aching for him. It’s impossible for me to imagine life without him, and the thought of returning to Paris and never seeing him or Daisy again fills me with dread.
Daisy’s playing a game on her tablet and I’m tidying up her toys when the post box clangs. Walking towards the front door, I bend to pick up the newspaper from the mat. Sebastian gets several newspapers and magazines delivered and there always seems to be something arriving. He’s an avid reader of the business sections and sometimes I skim through the supplements in the weekend papers. It makes me feel like I’m a proper English citizen and reminds me of my mother.
What would she say if she could see me now, living in this amazing house in one of the most expensive areas in London?
