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“That agreement was your idea,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Erin, if we kept to that agreement, we would both be alone for the next fourteen years. Maybe that’s okay with you, but I’d rather find someone who actually makes me happy. Someone who actuallywantsto be a wife.”
With that, he walks away.
The pit in my stomach starts to form again. Judd doesn’t want a wife. He wants a maid, a personal chef, and a woman who says yes to whatever he says. Apparently, Mary Louise fits into that mold.
I manage to watch the rest of the soccer game without having to interact much with Judd’s new girlfriend. Joey keeps her pretty well amused. I make a mental note to let him have some extra ice cream for dessert tonight for helping me dodge that bullet.
When the game is over, and the boys and I are safely in my SUV, I pause before starting it.
Turning toward my children, I take a deep breath before beginning. “I know I don’t often talk like this, so forgive me…but what the fuck?”
They all look shocked at me dropping the F-bomb. Joey even audibly gasps. Without giving them the chance to say anything, I start talking again. “Why would you guys not give me some sort of heads up that your dad has a girlfriend that isliving with him?”
Chris is the first to speak. “Dad told us not to.”
Alex adds, “He thought you’d be mad.”
My anger surges to new levels. If Judd didn’t think he was doing anything wrong, why on Earth did he ask my children to lie to me? In all honesty, I can’t be mad at the kids. They are between a rock and a hard place. And by all appearances, they seem to like Mary Louise.
Keeping that in mind, I try not to take my anger out on them. I take another deep breath, this time, it’s in an attempt to keep my cool. “Look, I know you guys have a relationship with your dad, and I will always try to respect that. Just a little bit of heads-up would have been nice. We are all still adjusting to this whole situation, and we need to be on the same page. Okay?”
They all nod and give me a, “Sorry, Mom.”
“It’s okay,” I tell them. “I don’t like that you were put in this situation to start with.”
I leave it at that because I don’t want to say anything worse about their dad even though right now, I feel like I could spit nails. At the soccer fields, I wanted to give him all the hell he deserves, but there’s still something inside me that tells me to keep me mouth shut and not make any waves.
I’m too tired to mess with making dinner tonight, so we stop at McDonalds, and I let the kids order whatever they want while I opt for a Big Mac and Fries. Clearly, it’s not the best food, but it’s good and comforting.
Thankfully, by the time we get home, it’s time for showers and then for the kids to get into bed. I love my children to pieces, but right now, I need to be alone with my thoughts.
When I finally have the downstairs to myself, I decide to deep clean the kitchen. For whatever reason, when I’m irritated, cleaning helps me to try to collect my thoughts.
At least, itnormallydoes.
Tonight, though, my mind is too frazzled to clean. Instead, I walk into the living room and call Charlie up to snuggle me on the couch.
A million thoughts run through my head. Seeing Judd with that woman didn’t make me jealous in a sense of “man, I want him back.” Make no mistake, I willneverwant that man back. The only thing I was jealous of was the fact that he is doing something that makes him happy.
Orsomeone,I guess.
Meanwhile, I had an amazing guy whowantedto have a relationship with me. Tanner practically begged me to give this thing a chance, and I shot it down because I was so worried about keeping the peace. And now, he’s gone. I haven’t heard from him since.
He’s probably already moved on with some hottie who doesn’t have a boat load of baggage.
Charlie sneezes, causing a piece of paper on the end table to go flying. When I reach down to pick it up, I see that it’s Tanner’s number that he wrote down for me. The other day, I was going to throw it away, but I just couldn’t.
And now, somehow, here it is…seemingly at the exact time that I need it. I twirl the tiny piece of paper between my fingers, trying to figure out if I should call him. If I believed in divine intervention, I’d say this is as good of a sign as any. But I’m still not entirely sure.
It’s not like I have any idea how to do a relationship while also doing the mom thing, and I will probably mess it up one way or another. I would be in no hurry for him to meet my kids, so it’s not like I could give him more than a couple weekends a month.
I have no idea how long I sit, trying to figure out what I should do. Finally, I muster all the courage that I possibly can and pull out my phone.
Here we go.
Chapter Sixteen
