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The confession room is inviting, which makes it deceiving. The circular sofa is cream colored and littered with every color, shape, and size of pillow known to man. I choose to sit in the middle and on the edge of the cushion and slide my hands under my legs. I don’t want to be comfortable.
“Hello, Joey. These questions have been submitted by fans.”
The voice is female and still a computer. The producers really keep themselves hidden and void of any emotion when it comes to us. It wouldn’t hurt them to just be themselves for once, but I guess that isn’t how the game is played.
“Hi,” I say in response. I already know I’m not offering up anything without being promoted. I’m not ready to confess, or break down for the viewers.
“You’re married to one of Hollywood’s rising stars. How does that make you feel?”
Biting my lower lip, I think about how it does make me feel. Special, stupid, lucky, like a failure—the list could really go on and on, but Joshua’s voice in my head reminds me of what I’m meant to say.
“I’m blessed,” I start with. “I don’t look at him like he’s Joshua Wilson the actor, but as Joshua Wilson, humanitarian and. . . good person.”
“You haven’t hidden from Joshua that he’s your celebrity crush. Do you feel that with him knowing, it makes things awkward?”
Of course they heard that confession in the bathroom and no doubt aired the audio of the kiss I gave him when I threw myself at him. I thought things would be awkward, though. I thought he’d think of me as a stalker and ask that he be removed from the show. But he didn’t.
“No, I think it made things better for us. He doesn’t have to worry about what I’m thinking when he talks about work and he gets to know what a fan of his is truly thinking.”
“Do you think you’ll be able to survive in Hollywood?”
No!I want to scream, but can’t.Stay poised and don’t let the questions get to you. Hollywood has already won where I’m concerned. Because of Hollywood, I won’t have my husband, but a piece of paper saying that my once marriage doesn’t exist. Although if we have sex, he’d have to divorce me and I’d get to keep his last name and be known as his ex-wife. Sex shouldn’t be the answer to everything, but for me it is.
“Hollywood and I will get along just fine as long as it treats Joshua with respect.”
“Thank you, Joey.”
I can’t tell if the camera is switched off or not as I sit and continue to stare at it. I know I should get up and rejoin everyone, but they’re going to ask what the confession room is like. I’m the first one to use it and have a feeling I’ll be the popular candidate considering Joshua’s fan base. Maybe he and I need to sit down and go over the way I answer the questions. Make sure they’re on point and acceptable to him.
My mind is made up when I hear Gary being summoned to the confession room. The last thing I want is to be caught in this room with Gary. The door opens as I stand. He smiles and my insides cringe. He’s nice enough, but there’s something about him that rubs me the wrong way.
“Your husband is a nice man.”
I look at him questioningly. “Um, thank you?”
He nods and pulls his shirt up to rub his forehead. I turn away, not willing to even see what he has under there.
“He’s helping me get in shape so I can win Amanda over, maybe get her to fall in love with me.”
His words not only break me but also make my heart swell with pride. Of course Joshua would find a way to do something worthwhile in the house.
“Listen to him,” I offer as advice when I pass by. “He may be onto something.” I give him a soft smile, hoping to show him that I agree with him working with Joshua.
I walk outside and let the sun beat down on my face. Being on a studio lot, I give credit to the set designers and how they make sure we still get our daily dose of vitamin D. Even in the world of reality television, if it’s raining we can go out and dance in the rain. I’ve never been kissed in the rain. . .
Music is blaring while Joshua and Cole workout. Amanda is sunbathing and Millie is lounging on the outdoor couch with her hair piled on top of her head and her eyes covered in huge Liz Taylor sunglasses. I sit in the spot that gives me the best angle to stare at Josh. With his shirt off, each time he lifts his arms I can faintly see the muscles in his back move.
I sigh heavily when Josh bends over, earning a righteous laugh from Millie. I look away, knowing that if I keep staring he’s going to catch me.
“God, you guys must have had some crazy monkey sex.”
I can’t help but laugh when she says that. In my head, yes, we’re all over the place: bed, wall, dresser, bathroom counter, shower, stairs, couch, and kitchen chair. Any surface, really, and I can picture myself succumbing to his needs—or mine, it doesn’t matter really. I’m jealous of Millie and her relationship with Cole. It seems like they have the same connection as Josh and me, but they’re getting the good stuff. Oh yeah, that makes me sound like a slut, but when you have man candy like Joshua Wilson kissing you, touching you, you tend to want to lose yourself and I so want to get lost in him, repeatedly.
“I need a drink,” I say, changing the subject. I can’t talk about the lack of sex we have. For one, we’re always being recorded for those lovely“hey look at what Joey did on Married Blind”recaps. And two, admitting it out loud really stings. I said it in the shower and it hurt to say those words.
“Oh drinks would be fun.” Millie stands, adjusting her suit before she turns to Amanda. “Wanna cocktail?”
“Did someone say drinks?” Gary asks as he steps out into the yard, almost colliding with Millie. Beaming at him, Millie nods her head as she moves past him and into the house. I watch as Amanda walks toward Gary; she pauses and lifts her sunglasses to the top of her head. If I’m not mistaken, the shining smile she’s giving him tells me that she may be falling for him after all. Of course, it shouldn’t have taken Josh’s help, but whatever.
