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As soon as the competition is over, I’m back in the house heading toward the bathroom. From past episodes, I know it’s the only place where one can find peace and quiet without a microphone hanging overhead or a video camera capturing our most embarrassing moments, although our body mics are on and subtitles are added for your viewing pleasure.
Joshua is hot on my tail, and I get that he’s trying to stay close to me. For what, I don’t know. Everything with him is awkward and fake. He doesn’t need to pretend to be happy to be here. He has a mission. He’s here to win for his foundation. I just don’t think he realizes the ramifications of spending three months with someone that you have to grow close to. I don’t care if you try to turn off your feelings, it doesn’t work. At some point your brain and heart stop communicating and your heart takes over, especially when only one of us is an actor. I’m not trained for this.
Needing a few minutes to gather myself, I shut the door before he can follow me in. I’m going to have to figure out my game plan with him fairly quickly. I need to find a way to hate the guy who is standing outside this door right now and play like him. As much as I’ve fantasized about marrying him, it was just that, a fantasy, and now that it’s really happened, I don’t know how to deal with it.
“Joey?” His voice is muffled, and I can only guess that he’s trying to be quiet. I want to tell him to go away, but that will be caught on camera, and I want to win as badly as he does. When I crack open the door, he slips in. The last place I want to talk to him is in here, but I’m not ready to face the other couples. They both look like they’ve gotten to know each other, and I’m slightly jealous.
“What’s going on?”
I roll my eyes, telling myself that he’s acting. He’s a great actor, so this comes easily for him. I shake my head, only for him to step closer. There are so many things I’ve dreamt of doing to him. I should just do it, right? I mean, this ismyopportunity to be bold and make a statement. Technically, he’s my husband. He at least owes me one toe-curling kiss. I can’t leave this house without some memory of what his lips taste like against mine.
He’s either going to catch me or push me away. Fear be damned. I launch myself into him, and my arms lock behind his head as my legs step in between his. There’s no hesitation in my actions, and I don’t give him any time to react. The velvety touch of his lips is enough to keep me going. He’s going to be an addiction I won’t be able to beat. My hands loosen and slide to his shoulders, my fingers kneading his muscles as his tongue traces my lips. My mouth opens, allowing him in, and I welcome the fact that he’s pursuing this kiss, not me. He’s taking charge.
Joshua’s fingers glide over my cheek until he’s cupping my face. Heat spreads where his fingers had just been. His arm holds me close, his hand cupping my ass. I moan into his mouth when our tongues touch. This kiss is everything I thought it would be and more. I plunge my fingers into his hair, pulling lightly. His lips leave mine as he hisses, showing me so much more of himself than anyone else in the house will ever get to see. Joshua brings me closer; grinding my hips against his as our heads move back and forth in the most epic make-out session I’ve ever been a part of.
Voices outside the door force us apart. I rest my head against his shoulder as our chests move together from our laborious breathing. I wasn’t expecting a kiss like that, but I’m so ecstatic that I have it burned into my memory. I’ll need it when I’m home alone, reading over my divorce papers.
Joshua taps my side before kissing the top of my head. “We need to talk about that kiss,” he whispers into my hair.
Shaking my head, I disengage from his hold. “There’s nothing to talk about. That is something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time, and I just did it.”
“What do you mean?”
Closing my eyes, I cover my face. I shouldn’t have said anything and only agreed with him. Joshua tugs on my arms, pulling my hands away from my face. I keep my head down, mentally counting the tiles on the floor. The last thing I wanted to do was embarrass myself, but I’ve done it. He places his finger under my chin and pushes lightly until we’re eye to eye.
“Joey, please tell me.”
I feel like I want to cry, but I refuse to show him any weakness. I take a deep, shuddering breath and look him square in the eyes. “You’re on my list, my hall pass if you will. You’re my number one celebrity crush. Two days ago I was watching an interview you gave about falling in love, and I kept rewinding it because I felt sorry for myself and thought ‘wow, he just needs to fall in love with me’ because I believed I could be the one for you in my messed up fantasy world. And now look at us. Here I am and we’re married, which I find so bizarre, but there will be no taming you. You’re here for one reason only, and it’s not to find a wife.”
His hand drops, and he steps back. I look down at the ground again, afraid to see his expression morph into something horrid. He’s probably trying to remember the contract and what situations allow us out of the marriage and the house early. Sadly for him, I don’t think having a wife as your stalker counts since he’s the first celebrity to come on the show.
Joshua slides his hands into his pockets, and I don’t know if it’s a relief for me that he won’t be touching me any time soon or more heartache because he doesn’t want me touching him.
“I never thought it’d be a possibility that I’d marry a fan.”
I laugh out loud, which sounds more like a bark.Great. I can’t even laugh like a normal person around him. “Yeah, well, if I knew you were a possibility, I probably wouldn’t have gone up there.”
“Why did you?”
“Technically, I didn’t,” I say, looking at him. I have to tread lightly here. I can tell him my story, or I can sugarcoat it as an overbearing mother who thought I’d find the man of my dreams on this show. “I was engaged, and he cheated. I found out right before the wedding and had to move back home. My mom. . . I love her, but she’s nuts. She submitted everything and didn’t tell me until I got the call. Well, she got the call and packed my bags. My dad was there, though, to walk me down the aisle. My mom thought I’d find my soul mate or the man of my dreams. She’s probably on the phone to her bridge friends telling them all about my sordid infatuation with you.”
Joshua grows quiet, and the voices that we heard earlier are no longer lingering outside the door. Who knows what they’re thinking, but I’m tempted to mess up my hair just to get them talking. I lean against the sink, crossing my ankles. I could leave and go join the others, but being in this confined space, even though its torture is worth it.
“That was a really good kiss we shared.”
“Yeah, definitely one for the memory book,” I reply, bringing my fingers to my lips.
“We should probably kiss more.” I look at him questioningly. “You know, for the cameras and other houseguests. We can’t have them thinking we don’t get along.”
I nod. “So kissing is okay, but no sex?”
He looks at me for a moment before he diverts his eyes. “Yeah, kissing is good,” he says before walking out of the bathroom.
five
JOSHUA
That kiss issomething I’ll never forget. Her lips are burnt into my memory. The way her fingers played with my hair made me feel like I was having an out-of-body experience. I’ve never felt shivers before from having my hair played with. I have to share a room with her later. We’ll be in the same bed, under the same covers with possible body parts touching and the lights off. We’re liable to move closer to each other as we shift in our sleep. Maybe a pillow between us will help us ward off any unexpected touching. I mean, if I’m sleeping, I can’t be held accountable for what my hand does, not to mention the morning wood I’ll likely be sporting, and if it’s anything like the hard-on I have now, I’m doomed.
