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Wow, is that desperation talking?This is the problem with having sex once in the past seven months.
Healed from surgery, I’ve been in the mindset to make positive changes. I want to confront my failings and I’ve considered dating again. But I have an inkling that throwing my hat into the dating pool again is something I need to take slower. Normal women don’t run from the altar straight into the arms of their rebound guy.
If Jake hasn’t ruined my expectations for my next relationship, all the hot and heavy fooling around we did and having sex with him did. I don’t think you can compare Jake, or how everything between us evolved, to what it would be like with any other man, but I also know because of the way he crushed me it will be impossible not to. I sympathized with my ex-fiancé before. To say I have empathy for Gavin now is a bold understatement.
In any event, Greer and I brainstormed the cards with masculine scents after yoga about a week ago. The ladies who run my shop on my days off have mentioned they’ve been a smashing success. They’ve watched a lot of my customers leave the boutique and go right next door to Greer’s. So when Holly picks up the rectangular sample to sniff and wrinkles her nose, it worries me.
Holly doesn’t dress in clothes from here. I don’t carry anything in her retro style, which has morphed a tiny bit toward classic Jackie O. Except on a mill girls’ day out, I’ve always been able to count on her loading up with various other items. I need Holly to like the products I stock for my business to survive and for her to take my recommendations of other downtown shops to heart for them to stay open. Owning a small business is harder than anyone realizes.
I’d lost a good portion of my spring income because of the rumor mill. I was on the verge of either cutting the store’s hours or letting someone go. Some customers returned when my association with Jake ended. It was likely out of pity, but I’ll accept the small mercy along with the current oppressive weather. It’s worked in my favor. I’m thankful for the sales boon. There’s only so much time anyone can twiddle their thumbs at home with the air conditioner on high. People are shopping to stay cool.
My breath stops whenever I remember how crushed I was when Jake left. I have to force myself to inhale. It’s for the best that he was the one who let me go instead of it being the other way around. That said, I don’t know why I thought the mill girls would swoop in and help me staunch the river of anguish weeping from my bleeding heart. Our newfound friendship—the fleeting feeling that we’d sit at the same table at the hospital gala for years to come—was fragile. I can’t blame them for taking Jake’s side when my lie of omission was duplicitous. Although I hope Jake didn’t say we were in bed when he found out. Mortified that a man would leave my bed immediately after being intimate, I haven’t mentioned it to anyone myself.
Holly places the sample back in the cardholder. She surprises me by walking around the counter and wrapping me up in a big hug.
This entire morning has been a shocker, in fact. Beginning when the bell chimed and the mill girls, who had been absent from the store all summer, started filing in.
“How’ve you been?” Her embrace is too comforting. It brings me too close to the genuine affection between us that might have been without actually letting me touch it. I’ve had the propensity to let women who could have been part of my support network slip away.
“Fine.” My vision goes blurry.
I blink the tears back, noting the corners of her eyes crinkling with concern. Always late to the party, Holly looks as ragged as she had when she was still working nights at Sweet Caroline’s and dragged herself out of bed the next day to meet up here with the mill girls as they finished shopping.
“Jake’s new at this, Paisley,” she whispers.
With every fiber of my being, I want to ask her, “New at what?”
It can’t be bad breakups. I’m certain Jake Ballentine has plenty of experience ripping people’s hearts out. Tearing their emotions to shreds.
I have enough self-respect not to go searching for Jake. He hasn’t bothered to seek me out either, which is fine by me. So, Jake hasn’t disappeared without a trace? I figured that we’d meet on the sidewalk and Jake’s ego would afford me some half-assed apology that I’d accept just to get it done and over with.
I don’t want to look up at Jake and see him looking down on me. I want to move on.
Holly told me at Royce’s that Jake didn’t give up once he had something in his possession, that he had to have it ripped from him. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Trying to ignore the sinking sensation, I bend for a box. My neck snaps up when Kimber starts talking.
“Nobody knew Jake left Brighton, Paisley.”
“He what?” The jolt of curiosity bursts out of me like a balloon.
Kimber continues, “Jake’s been gone for more than a month. It wasn’t until Trig stopped into Sweet Caroline’s on a whim to get Jake’s signature on a legal document that he found out. Kelsey said Jake’s been missing since the night of the hospital’s cardiac benefit.”
“Missing?” I don’t understand.
“More like not here.” The left side of Sloan’s face pinches up and concern etches her forehead. There’s no love lost between Sloan and Jake. Is she worried about Jake or me?
Sloan approaches where we’re huddled. She hangs several tops and a pair of linen pants on a rack, then moves toward the counter. Her posture mirrors Kimber’s. Their elbows lean on the glass case and they are resting their chins on opposite fists. “He’s kept in touch with the guys. But no one knows where Jake is. He’s called and sent enough messages that we didn’t have any reason to believe he wasn’t doing what he used to do; skipping out on his obligations at Sweet Caroline’s.”
“Who has been helping Kelsey then?” I stumble back from our huddle and shout with righteous indignation.
“Caroline.” Kimber’s shoulders pop to her ears. “And on occasion, Morgan or Skye. But those two took Jake ghosting in stride. It was Jake’s MO before Holly quit.”
“I thought he fired you? Or he forced you out,” I fire at Holly, who stays silent.
“Holly was going to quit, anyway. Jake wanted the upper hand.” Sloan’s recalcitrant answer is as uncooperative as the stories of her run-ins with Jake.
Holly sighs. “Jake didn’t want to be left, so he did the leaving.”
