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He laughs. It’s soft, like the smile playing on his lips.
“I’m not kissing you because I’m done using it to my advantage.”
“Cocky bastard, you’re so sure a single kiss is going to change everything.” I’m ready to blow my top.
“It did once. One completely unexpected kiss flipped the script on our lives.”
“It won’t now.”
Without warning, he lifts me to sit on a wooden storage box. “That’s better. Now we can see eye to eye.” Jake’s head bobs from side to side, measuring my anger.
Unwilling to meet his blue gaze, I glance over his shoulder at a blank wall. I need to calm my nerves, but I’m so agitated with Jake this close to me that my senses aren’t picking up any solid forms but his. My normal calming techniques are useless.
“Paisley, I don’t want to lead with something physical. What I want is for you to tell me everything I did wrong. All the ways I abused your trust. Everything I’ve fucking missed out on in your life. And, if you’re able, I’d like to know how you got that scar.”
“I don’t owe you any explanations, Jake. Not after what you did.”
“You’re right. But I was giving you the chance to go first.”
I growl when his palms land on my knees. He has me caged in again the way Jake did when he forced me to be here when the club was open.
“Being on the same level doesn’t work if you won’t look at me.”
“Fine.” I snap my head in Jake’s direction, focusing on the hole I’d like to smash in his forehead.
Jake’s quiet and patient with me. My line of sight drops. His eyes are warm with flecks of gray and lavender.
“I’ve spent the past few months trying to find the right words to tell you I’m sorry for the things I’ve done. From the get-go, I had a total disregard for your feelings, until I started having feelings for you. Even then, my kindness was arrogant. I used affection as a way of keeping you. I’d seen enduring love betray people I loved. It soured me on making any commitments to anyone that wouldn’t leave me coming out on top.”
I cackle because I can’t let Jake see me break down.
“Leaving you the way I did turned me inside out. Faced with the reality of losing another thing I was desperate to have, proved how big a coward I was. My instant reaction to the fear was to self-sabotage. I did it the night I took you to Royce’s, too. It’s the only excuse I have for throwing the rock, Pais, and it’s a sorry one at that.”
“My reputation was already on the line, Jake. I may have been the one to put it there when I ran out on Gavin, but you kept nudging it forward. How could you to to harm my livelihood? Why did you stop Gavin and then ruin it, anyway?”
What led up to them facing off on the street in the middle of the night?
Jake scrubs a hand over his head when I admit Trig showed me the footage.
“I’d been on edge about our official first date at Royce’s. You’d been the perfect girlfriend. I wanted to show you I was ready to be what you needed. But then the girls ganged up on you in the restroom and Laughton’s sister turned the night into a spectacle. When I dropped you off, I was angry. I wasn’t the man you needed by any stretch. You were one more dream out of my reach. It was better to let you out of the deal.
“I took a walk to clear my head and wound up in front of the store. Laughton had wandered there, too. He was embarrassed by what his sister had done. He loved you and whenever he thought he’d be able to get over the sting of betrayal, my name would get tossed into the mix. Brighton hadn’t stuck to gossiping about you, Paisley. Gavin’s name was on every tongue.
“He started talking about how amazing you werebeforeme. How brave and bold you were. That I’d changed you for the worse… But I hadn’t. Laughton didn’t know that you came to me exactly the person who you were. I hated that he’d had you and didn’t see that. I hated that he wanted to hurt you by breaking the window and I talked him out of it. Except I did it in a way you’d never be proud of me for. Laughton walked away, and I realized I’d defended you because I’d fallen in love with you.”
“You screamed, and then you pitched the rock.” And then he fell on his ass.
“I told you, I’m a master of self-sabotage.” Jake tells me about how his best friend’s wife died the exact day their band was to sign a recording contract and he lost his big break in the music business. Not long after, his dad got arrested and Jake took over the club. “Whenever something went wrong, I was picking up pieces. It was safer for me to forsake what I loved than wait for the betrayal. That way, I didn’t get my hopes dashed. Except it’s pretty clear now that everyone else held onto their hope. I was the only one who gave up.”
I shimmy and slide off the box. Jake gives me a wide berth while I stroll the empty space.
“Is that what this is all about, Jake? Finally getting what you want?”
“Only part of it, because I get now there will always be something that is a hair’s breadth out of reach. Before you, I skipped out on Sweet Caroline’s because in my heart of hearts, I didn’t wantthatclub to succeed. I wanted to see my own successes come to fruition. And to do that, I had to cast away any doubts I had that I’d given up on my goals. So that’s where I’ve been, Pais, figuring my shit out.”
I scratch my temple. “I’m not sure if you understand this, but people with their shit together don’t break their best friend’s hands.”
“The pleasure was all mine. He’ll thank me. Sloan already did… In her own way.” Jake shrugs his broad shoulders. His muscles stretch his shirt.
