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“She maintains he also conned her into a bum deal with Grandad’s company that left her with nothing if she brought any negative press to the dealerships. I’ve seen the legal documents, but I don’t comprehend why she agreed to sign them other than it was in my grandfather’s best interest. Save the business and sacrifice the kid.” I pause. Now that it’s out, I owe Holly for listening without bolting, and I want her to know how proud I am of her choices. “At least, you got out of a crappy situation for Bhodi’s sake.”
“Is that what you think happened?” I laugh caustically.
I’ve heard the sorrow in his voice. I saw his confident presence shrink as his shoulders fell. He’s worried his past will define him in my eyes. I can’t blame him. So much of the truth he’s shared is information he’s still digesting. Rex Stanton’s death was just this winter.
I hadn’t wanted to own my story either. It took a long while for me to sort through the lies. And so much of the truth reinforced the feeling that, even as a victim, I was a bad person because I was too immature and naive to see the writing on the walls. I should have been stronger, for myself and for my child, then to have let Bhodi’s father have the gall to trample and use us for his own vanity.
“William went back to his wife and daughters: A family I didn’t know he had. He left me with a diamond ring that wasn’t worth stepping into a pawn shop to cash in, sky-high rent, a mountain of hospital debt, and a newborn whose birthhe missed.”
William hid an entire part of his life from me. One that, approaching his forties, had become too stressful. So, when the Army transferred him across the country, he abandoned his first family and took up with an unsuspecting blonde from a background where cheating spouses were secrets people like the Cass-Stanton’s kept. Raised by parents who quite literally couldn’t live without the other, I knew nothing but rainbows and fucking sunshine.
The man who ruined me wanted out of a similar white picket fence life he’d built. He was starting over. Until he decided he’d made a mistake and was too old for the responsibilities a baby brings.
I was William’s mid-life crisis and my son was never wanted by his father.
“I never got a choice to stow what remained of my pride in a bag and hit the road. What I had was some other woman’s sloppy seconds: A man who lied to my face and told me he loved me. Promised to marry me. And, with every ounce of my being, I believed him. I blindly believed my baby was going to grow up in a house with two parents, a front yard, and family vacations every summer.” My eyes burn, but I can’t cry over it. Not anymore. Emotion. Tears. Those I reserve for happy occasions.
I’ve raised a wonderful kid on my own so far, and I’m plumb out of pity for the stupidity I’d shown in my youth. I don’t have the luxury of looking back and wondering if I could have done something differently.
With what money? What resources?
And, even if I’d had to choose between parenting alone versus putting a roof over my son’s head with someone as vicious and abusive as Cary’s admitted Rex Stanton was, where was the other man? Because yes, there are days I could sure use an ego boost knowing I’d been too proud to take that kind of offer and have made it on my own.
But I don’t know Davina’s side of the story, and the level of deviousness Rex Stanton showed to Cary seems premeditated. I can’t fault Davina for believing she was doing her best for her infant son either. No one foresees a reprisal to the extreme Rex went to.
For better or worse, people hide the scariest parts of who they are and you have to dig to find the roots. That doesn’t mean they’re all rotten. The bulbs I plant wither after the spring and a year later there are new green shoots growing up from the earth. You’re supposed to prune back the dead boughs so healthy branches can feel the warmth of the sun and grow stronger in their place.
“You told me your grandfather said love was a choice.”
Cary nods.
“But you’ve been struggling and hate yourself for loving Davina, don’t you? You don’t know how to stop those memories from when you were a child and things seemed perfect from seeping in, and you want to forget the person Rex needed you to be. Your father isn’t a man you’d admire like your grandad who gave his heart to one person forever and always.”
He covers my hand with his. “My shrink and my bartender girlfriend see things I can’t.”
“You can. You do. Or else you wouldn’t have trusted me with who you are.” I turn my palm up and we lace our fingers together. “Cary, I don’t talk about William because I won’t carry a cloud that affects my mood. This life is my parade, and he’s an unwelcome guest. Is Davina? Hate is a choice too, and until you both figure out where you stand with one another, you’re giving Rex the power to rain buckets on your heads.”
“Are you going to be here?” Cary lets go of a heavy breath, and the weight of his concern hits me.
“I don’t see why they’re mutually exclusive.”
“Are we, still, exclusive?”
“Nothing you’ve said changes the way I feel about you.”
“There’s something else that may.”
I bite my lip, nodding for Cary to keep speaking.
“I need you to keep what I’ve told you on the down low until I figure out when and how…ifthis is something that I want everyone else to be in on. It could affect the dealership’s reputation and more than the business, I’m worried about what it means for us.”
“Because dating a strip club manager already sullies your impeccable character.”
“No, because I don’t want anything coming between us to ruin what we’ve started. I love you, Holly.”
Holly’s thick lashes blink a few times and her cheeks pinken. I’ve taken her off-guard.
“Too soon?” I ask.
