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Whipping away, I pace, scrubbing my beard in frustration.
Holly doesn’t move. She watches me as it sinks in.
“Who?” Which assholes have had the audacity?
“It doesn’t matter.” She shakes her head, bunching the scarf into a ball.
I can tell by her actions it’s not anyone, it’severyone.And it wears on her.
I’ve been too caught up in the safe parts of our relationship to notice. This is no different from me not addressing my problems with Davina head on because, with Rex out of the driver’s seat, I hadn’t wanted to stand amongst the wreckage. Moving forward is what I aimed to accomplish. And to glimpse contentment along the way. Feel valued, instead of someone simply telling me I should believe they loved me. I can’t do that unless I’m willing to check my rearview.
I do want Holly any way she’ll let me have her. Yet, I’ve never explored how people view us. If I don’t admit how flawed other’s perceptions of us are, we can’t actually be perfect for one another. We won’t have the tools to see it through, lift each other up when the road gets rough.
I flop my butt onto the hood of the car. “I’m sorry I blew it and embarrassed you. Again.”
The sigh I let go of is like a deflating tire. Fucking awful, wondering if I’m stuck by the side of the highway alone.
Damn. I huff, ready to kneel to kiss Holly’s painted toenails so she won’t be mad at me.I don’t even have legs as nice as hers. Nobody’s going to stop and pick me up.
With trepidation, I link a finger through hers. Holly squeezes back.
I wish she’d told me. I feel more foolish than I suppose people have been implying we are as a couple. And I don’t have the first clue how to make it up to her.
Twice in twelve hours I’ve let her down. She’s got to be tired of my stupid ass. Holly didn’t get into this to turn me into a man or for any salacious reasons. I’d always thought we connected on a certain level beyond our ages. Maybe I was wrong. The fact that I needed to show off my house to her and show her off in the car is proof.
I tug at her knee and kiss her blonde hair like it’s our last goodbye. I’m unsure how we’ll make it to the weekend. With the condo’s AC still kaput, Holly can keep the SUV and stay at the beach house. I’ll tell Davina we have to go back to Brighton.
“Figures from where I came from that I can’t even hold my own family together.” My voice begs, “How do I fix this?” I’m at a loss and I’m not too proud a man to need her to lead me.
She’s quick to move, staring at me in shock.
“You guys, Doll.” My voice cracks and I clear my throat, saying in all honesty, “I’m not ready to give up on you.”
Despite Holly saying she doesn’t cry, her eyes are misty, giving away the hurt she feels inside.
“Cary, this is who we are. I forget too, and then someone says something to remind me. It can be as innocent as Dusty commenting about Cece’s birthday that jogs my memory that you should have more in common with her.”
“Dusty wouldn’t like that.”
“Neither would I.” Holly harrumphs sadly. She rests her head on my shoulder. “If you’re still hungry, we can get takeout.”
Something stirs inside me akin to what I’d felt dipping Holly to the car’s hood to kiss her, but deeper. I can’t force negotiations with Holly to go my way. However, I’m unable to retreat. Seeing exactly what we’re up against opened my eyes, and it will help me broker a deal so I,we, won’t lose what we have together.
I stand and hold out my upturned palm, wanting to face the low note of the music playing.
“If you can manage it, I’d rather go inside and act like the man you needed a few minutes ago.” I’m pulling another mulligan, asking to start the weekend over when I don’t deserve to. “I may not get it right, but I want the chance to try.”
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“Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go!” Impatient, Cary kneels and brushes my hands away from my sneakers, pushing the laces inside. “You can tie them in the car, Doll.”
I glare up. My brow raises. My lip curling in disgust, my nose scrunches at how perky he is this early. Inhaling his cologne, my body remembers how late we fell asleep and my nipples become tight. Stupid body.
I curl into myself and roll onto the couch.
