AllFreeNovel
Share Us
But the more I scroll through and stalk her admittedly sparse social media presence, the less sure I become of that conviction.
Sure, there’s pictures of her all dolled up at galas and work functions, some where she’s even standing next to and smiling with men. But none of them look even remotely like romantic or sexual partners. They’re very obviously coworkers and colleagues.
I keep digging, finding more recent pictures of her here in New York—some taken at a function standing next to Gabriel and Alistair Black. A few with some other legal-looking dipshit.
But that’s it. There’s not a single man in any picture with her who looks like an obvious boyfriend.
Swallowing, I sit back, letting it all sink in.
Itcan’tbe true.
Unless it is.
I mean, she works a million hours a week. Her workload is insane. And on top of that, she’s basically been raising a kid. Maybe she’s truly never had time for a boyfriend. But you don’t need to be in an established relationship to get fucked now and again. I mean I’ve literally never had a girlfriend, and I’ve been with more women than I can remember.
A vicious scowl suddenly tightens across my face at the thought of Elsa out there having casual sex with random men.
Or any sex at all, with any man who isn’tme.
Just like earlier, in the parking lot with Pascha, the violence I feel rising up inside me even thinking about her with another man shocks me.
What if he’s right?
What if the other night with me, despite all the improbabilities, really was her first time? I know most guys would feel smug about that—all triumphant and puffed up.
Not me.
I’ve never wanted to be anyone’s first. Becausefuck that. It’s not because I’m worried about virgins “getting clingy”, which seems to be a serious concern for every male character in every teen comedy ever.
I’ve never wanted to deal with virgins because your first time means something.
Or at least, it should. And I’ve never wanted that responsibility.
Sex is an escape for me, nothing more. A way to tune out the world and the darkness inside of me. I don’t lose myself in women.
I use them to stop feeling anything at all.
But the other reason I’m not fist-pumping or patting myself on the goddamn back for the very real potential that I was Elsa’s first is that sheusedme, from the sounds of it.
And I fuckingreallyhate when a woman uses me and sex to get something she wants.
Gritting my teeth, I close the laptop, plunging the room into darkness. I can feel my fury surging inside, my anger at Elsa and her bullshit boiling up into a frenzy.
Except it doesn’t boil over. Iwantit to. But every time I try to push it there, I get sidetracked by replays of that night.
Her mouth. Her skin. Her eagerness.
That hungry look in her eyes as she dragged her nails down my back and begged for more.
Something dark inside of me snarls and licks its lips.
I was her first.
I’ve never wanted to be someone’s first. Except suddenly, the idea of beingElsa’sfirst fills me with…
Hunger.
Desire.
