AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He kept a firm grip on me.
“I loved her like a boy loved a girl, thinking that love made him a man,” he continued. “It wasn’t mature, it wasn’t ugly, it wasn’t complicated. It was simple. And it might’ve stayed that way, it might’ve stayed just fine, if I didn’t make the choices I made.” He sighed. “Again, I wanted to be a man, one who wasn’t like my father, one who wasn’t confined to life in a small town. I was selfish and looking for glory.”
I wanted to argue with him, tell him he couldn’t possibly have been selfish, even then. I wanted to tell him to stop being so fucking hard on a boy who was doing the best he could.
“At the beginning, I don’t think it bothered her that I was deploying,” Kip said. “Yes, she was plenty worried about me and didn’t want to be without me, but she was young too. Looking for her own identity. And at first, she liked the title of ‘Army wife.’ Liked that she was serving in her own way.” He shook his head, looking out to the ocean for a few beats before returning his gaze to me.
“The reality of it all was quick to hit us,” he murmured. “Quick to bruise that pure, young love of ours. It might not have scarred if I didn’t find my place out there, if I didn’t have the skills that kept me gone for longer and longer at a time. But I did. So I was gone. And she didn’t much like being alone all the time. I don’t blame her. We were meant to love each other but let each other go. That’s what I think. But we didn’t. She thought when she got pregnant I’d come home for good. A lot of people thought that. I thought I would. Until it actually happened. I wasn’t man enough, not even then, to stop killing and go home to my life. My daughter.”
His hand went to my stomach, rubbing it as if to reassure himself that it was still there. That our daughter was still there.
I knew the feeling. I would chug ice water and chase it with Skittles in order to ‘wake her up’ if I didn’t feel her kick in a while. Not that I had to do that often because Kip’s daughter kicked the fuck out of me.
“In the end, I don’t think she loved me much,” he said, shocking the absolute shit out of me.
I blinked at him. His eyes weren’t watering with the love he was holding on to. They were sad, to be sure. But not wistful.
“I don’t think much of what we were remained. But I still loved her. For staying. For trying. For bringing my daughter into the world, caring for her.”
He stroked my face, wiping away a tear that had escaped my eye. “What I feel for you isn’t young, it’s a little bit ugly, and it’s sure as fuck complicated. I hated myself for loving you more than I loved her. Thought that made me a bad man. Without honor.”
He looked down at the stomach between us.
“I know for a fact that I’ll love her just as much as her sister.” His voice broke a little, and I sank my teeth into my lip in order to restrain my sob.
“I’ll love her exactly the same.” He paused. “Maybe I’ll love her big sister a little bit more, because I only had a short amount of time to give her that love. I’ve still got a whole fucking lot of it inside me.” His eyes bored into mine. “I’m not gonna promise that I’m not gonna make mistakes along the way, because a lifetime is a long time, and I’m an imperfect man. I’m gonna fuck up. You’re gonna yell at me. I might yell back.”
He leaned in to kiss my nose.
“We’ll fuck and make up,” he murmured. “We’ll have a messy life. And you’re outta your goddamn tree if you think I’m gonna walk away from that. But—” His hand went from my chin downward to my left hand, lifting it to examine the simple gold band I’d been wearing since he slipped it on my finger in the bakery. “—we’re gonna need to get you a diamond. And we’re probably gonna have to do another wedding.”
That was a lot of information for me to digest at once. Even under normal circumstances where I had a lot more control over my hormones. As it was, I did not have control over those fuckers, so I went from quietly crying to full-on ugly sobbing.
“Are you asking me to m-marry you?” I asked between sobs.
Kip chuckled as he leaned in to kiss my head. “We’re already married, baby, but yeah, I’m asking if you want to do it properly. Maybe not get so drunk and glare at me while you’re walking down the aisle. I don’t mind if you wear red, though.” He winked.
I let out a half-hysterical laugh.
“I wore red because I was dressing for war,” I told him.
He smiled at me, brushing my chin with his thumb. “And when you walked down that aisle, you looked like the most beautiful soldier I’d ever seen. I fell in love with you right then and there, even if I was too much of a stubborn bastard to admit it for—”
“Months,” I interrupted. “Actually, over a year.”
“If you wanna get technical, you haven’t said the three little words to me yet,” he teased.
I pursed my lips. “You haven’t really said them either,” I challenged, suddenly terrified. The hospital didn’t count, I decided. Emotions were running high then, and he hadn’t mentioned it since.
“I love you,” he said without hesitation. “I love that you’re cranky in the morning. I love that you swear like a sailor. I love that you adopt cats without eyelids. I love the way you look growing our daughter. I will love every part of you for the rest of my days.”
My lip trembled. “Okay, that’s overkill,” I said, voice thin and weak.
He chuckled. “Gonna say it back?”
“I’m not gonna say it because you’re telling me to say it,” I snapped.
Kip’s eyes glittered. “I’m not telling you to say it,” he returned. “I already know you love me.”
