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I miss my mum. I miss Puck. I miss the King I used to know. I hate feeling so weak, but I need to let it out. I need to accept what my life is now.
This morning, I showered, smiling to myself, remembering how Puck would hide me in those awful communal showers. I decided to predict the weather. I closed my eyes and felt him barricading me in. I talked to him for what felt like hours before I opened my eyes and remembered he wasn’t there and that he wasn’t coming back.
The shower had gone cold, so I got dressed and went for a walk to clear my head.
The view from the Rhivers mansion is extraordinary. Woodlands on one side and an expansive lake on the other. I make a mental note to explore as much as I could before going back to the prison. I’d miss this for sure.
My stomach clenches for the millionth time this morning and each day is getting harder to cope. The grief of losing Puck strikes me deeper every day. The weight of my relationship, whatever that is, with King is dragging me down. I feel like I’m caught up in a riptide. The harder I try to get out of it, the faster I drown.
“Excuse me,” a small, timid voice calls from behind me and I turn to see a woman, smaller than me, holding a cup of tea. And I don’t need anything else other than the bright brown eyes and warm smile to know that this is Puck’s mother, Maria. And the riptide takes me under. The tears overflow and I fall against the low brick wall outlining the house.
“Oh, dear, please don’t cry. You’ll set me off,” she speaks in a motherly tone, placing the tea on the wall next to me and sitting on my other side.
“I am so sorry,” I sob as her hands find mine.
“Now, dear, I’ll have none of that. This is not your fault, do you understand me?” she demands and I slow my sobs to low whimpers.
“I heard my boy was very fond of you,” she says and a small, sad chuckle leaves my lips.
“I was just as fond of him, ma’am. I wouldn’t be here without him.”
She looks at me with a smile and I avoid her eyes, the pain slicing through my heart.
“He would’ve been here if it weren’t for me, though.”
Maria tuts at me and lifts my face to hers, holding me close with both hands.
“My boy had a heart of gold. He would’ve done it again and again if it meant helping those he loved. If he loved you that much, then I do too.”
I sit in silence, trying to calm my tears and find the right words.
“Your silence is everything, my dear,” she says and I smile.
“He didn’t know if you were alive. It was hurting him so badly to not know if you were still alive.” I hiccup as I watch a lone tear escape down her cheek.
“And he will know that I am, dear. I’m sure he’s looking at us right now, telling us to stop being so dramatic.”
I laugh a genuine laugh and look up into the sky again, thankful it’s a sunny day. My favourite kind.
“That sounds like Puck.”
After a couple moments of silence, she stands and nods to the tea, patting down the apron around her waist.
“Are you staying here?” I ask, wondering if she’s still a maid for the family.
“As long as King will have me.” She smiles, and I know King would never let a bad thing happen to this woman from what I know of his relationship with Puck.
“Good. Because I’ve heard you make the best mac and cheese.”
She laughs and bends down to kiss my forehead before heading back inside and I take a moment to smile up at Puck, hoping he’s found peace.
* * *
“Theodora,”a soft voice calls out, echoing through the fresh air surrounding the garden.
I turn around to see Rori walking towards me, her silver hair flowing around her shoulders effortlessly, a small braid neatly weaved into the curls. She really is flawless.
“Hi,” I reply quietly, turning back to stare out at the view as she meets my side.
