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“I wouldn’t complain if you did.”
“Fuck, baby girl. Ican’t.” He tipped forward so our foreheads touched. “I’m forbidden from taking you.”
“So there’s no hope for us. No future.”
I was done dancing around what we were. It was exhausting, and I couldn’t take it anymore. Either he wanted me or he didn’t. If we couldn’t get past the barriers of his job or the rules, I needed to accept that and move the fuck on. Because I couldn’t keep feeling like this.
I wrapped my hands around his wrists and pulled his hands away from my face. I slipped off the bed and grabbed the sweatshirt hanging over my desk chair.
“Sierra.”
I didn’t stop. There really wasn’t that much to talk about. It had felt like I had so much to say, but in reality, it all boiled down to one fact. Nathaniel couldn’t give me all of him. Whether he wanted me or not, he would hold back because of rules he’d never really explained to me.
“Where are you going?” he demanded as I shoved my feet into a pair of Vans.
“To get some fresh air. Don’t worry, I’ll stay on the roof and won’t leave the building.”
“No.” He was in front of me in a second. Fabric ripped as his wings tore through his shirt, acting as a barrier between me and the bedroom door. “You are not fucking leaving.”
I glared at him. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t. You’ve made it perfectly clear that I can’t have you, so what is the point of holding on to that hope?” I closed my eyes against the sudden burn of tears and let out a bitter laugh. “You know what hurts the most? I spent the past two years pushing people away. After my last relationship ended and I realized just how much I’d lost myself, how I’d let him smother me, I was so afraid of that happening again. I was reluctant to trust anyone with my heart or emotions. I went on a couple of dates, but I kept everyone at arm’s length. I didn’t think any relationship was more important than my freedom. And then you walked into my life. Maybe you kept coming back because of the job or the bond, but you didn’t give up on me, and you didn’t make me feel like less. You’re my fucking bodyguard, and yet you never made me feel weak.”
He reached out and wiped away the tears that had escaped and now ran down my cheeks.
“You ripped apart my life, showed me what I was missing, and forced me to acknowledge that I was hiding. And somewhere in there, I started trusting you not just to keep me safe from the demons but with everything that I am. You made me want more. And if you can’t give me more, I need to find someone who will.”
I could see the pain in his eyes, but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t make promises or deny my words. He really couldn’t give me a reason to stay. He wasn’t going to try to convince me that I was wrong about him.
I swallowed hard, trying to keep more tears from falling. This was really it.
“Are you going to move?” I crossed my arms over my chest like they were a shield that could protect my already-aching heart.
He was inhumanly still as he stared at me for a long second. “No.”
His hand tangled in the hair at the back of my head, holding tight as he tipped my head back to look up at him. His other hand gripped my hip hard enough that it was probably going to leave a mark.
“Dammit,” he said in a low, guttural voice. “It’s like you were specially designed to wreck me.”
“Just let me go,” I whispered, hoping with everything inside me that he wouldn’t, that he would fight for me, for us. But I wasn’t going to beg him to love me. I deserved better than that.
He yanked me forward so I could feel his erection pressing into my stomach. “Never,” he growled.
A second later my back hit the doors of my walk-in closet. Nate’s hand moved from my hip to my thigh, wrapping my leg around his waist. He leaned forward and I thought he was going to kiss me, but his lips moved to my ear instead. “What was his name?”
“What?” I gasped, confusion sweeping through me.
“The asshole who dared to make you feel like you were anything less than wondrous and who is never touching you again. What. Was. His. Name?”
“Duncan.”
“I’m going to erase his name from your memory, baby girl. I’m going to make you forget he ever existed.” His teeth sank into the soft skin of my earlobe. “You’re mine.”
He released my hair and moved his hands to the button on my jeans. He slipped his fingers inside the waistband, holding my hips under the denim. His thumbs traced small circles over my hipbones, and my skin buzzed at his touch.
For a minute he just watched me while his thumbs caressed me and drove me crazy.
Finally he lowered his head, and his mouth met mine. This kiss was different from any other between us. It was slow and thorough. His tongue stroked against mine with the kind of dedication that made it impossible to focus on anything else. I’d never been kissed with so much attention before, with this kind of wholehearted commitment.
My eyes closed on their own as I surrendered to the moment.
