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Right then, Becca was just glad she was behind the counter. “What do you want?” Her voice was hard when she asked him again. “Why are you here?”
“I’m here to apologize.” His voice had aged. “And I’m also here to ask you to forgive me.”
“And why do you think I would do that?” she asked, unable to keep the sarcasm out of her voice.
“Because I’m going to tell you why I left. Because I realized a long time ago that you deserved to know the reason I left.”
His voice made her shudder again, and she crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself. Becca’s voice was weak and hoarse when she spoke. “I don’t need any explanations. I’ve moved on. You clearly have too. Just leave me alone, please.”
“Becca.” Her name escaped him in a whisper. “Please. Please just give me a chance.”
“No!” Her voice was louder this time. Old anger had emerged. The kind of anger Becca had battled right after Noah left.
She knew the anger was the part of herself that was fiercely self-protective. And now it was back.
Who does he think he is? Showing up here after all this time and demanding that I sit down and talk with him?
Becca laughed out loud then, though the sound was closer to a sob or a gasp.Try to regain your composure, girl.
Becca turned away from Noah and went to the counter, and she leaned on it and took several deep breaths. Part of her was ashamed that she was letting him see her like this. But the other part of her, the larger part, didn’t even care. She somehow felt that Noah should see what he had done. He should be aware of what he had turned her into.
Sara had been right. A love like they had never died. Maybe it had died for Noah, but it hadn’t for her. She was still in love with him. And it felt horrible.
Noah was still there. He hadn’t moved an inch when she turned back to him. She couldn’t miss the sadness and regret in his eyes, as if he felt the same grief she did.
But she couldn’t allow herself to soften. She couldn’t allow herself to give in to him.
“Listen, all I want is a chance to explain.” After a while, Noah spoke as though he was allowing her to regain composure.
His leaving already stripped you of all your dignity. Remaining composed in front of him doesn’t mean shit.
Becca thought back to the things she had done to comfort herself after Noah had left as abruptly as he had. He had left without a word, without explanation, and Becca had spiraled.
So now, regaining composure in front of him was meaningless. His leaving had already taken the last of what she had to give.
“Please, Becca.” There was no mistaking the emotion in his voice. He was begging her. “Please just go out for dinner with me and give me a chance.”
“I told you.” She crossed her arms over her chest again. “I’ve moved on, and I don’t need an explanation from you.”
“I don’t believe you,” Noah said immediately.
Becca’s mouth dropped open.
“I don’t believe you. And if there is even a chance that we can work things out, then that is what I want to do. I just need you to listen to me. That’s all I am asking.”
Her better judgment practically screamed at her as her arms fell to her sides. More memories, also messy and hazy, flashed across her mind. This time, they were memories of her agony after Noah had left.
They were memories of her trying to get drunk just to fall asleep. They were memories of bursting into tears in the middle of the grocery store. They were memories of her own parents, so worried by the volume of her tears that they forced her to move back in with them. The magnitude of her grief had killed her a little bit.
So, are you really going to let him back in? Are you really going to let him explain?
Of course, she was going to. Becca had no choice. Not when it came to Noah Pierce.
He was the love of her life. Ten years might have passed, but he would always be the love of her life. Twenty years could pass, thirty years could pass, and nothing would change.
Becca wasn’t sure why she had ever thought she was strong enough to say no to Noah. But that false bravado was wearing off now. And all she was doing was letting him in again.
“Fine,” she said finally. “You can explain.”
